We’ve all heard the saying that 90-something percent of communication is non-verbal.
But what does that actually mean?
Well, take three scenarios:
Scenario 1: You're with friends at a bar, and your popular buddy Johnny walks in. You shout excitedly, "Here's Johnny!"
Scenario 2: Your overbearing boss — who everyone secretly dislikes — walks into a meeting. You mutter sarcastically, "Here's Johnny…"
Scenario 3: Jack Torrance smashes through a door in The Shining and grins sinisterly: "Here's Johnny!"
Same words. Totally different meanings.
The takeaway? How you deliver your message completely transforms how it's received.
In your career, this matters enormously.
It can determine if you're taken seriously in meetings, trusted with bigger projects, or viewed as leadership material. It’s what I call your executive presence.
Let’s dive in:
Shrink the drama (less reactivity)
A powerful shift you can make in your executive presence is simply becoming less reactive.
Think about experienced leaders you admire: when bad news arrives, they don’t gasp, sigh dramatically, or panic. Instead, they pause slightly, nod, maybe say something neutral like “Hmm,” and then respond thoughtfully.
Big reactions signal you're overwhelmed, while calm, measured responses build trust.
Practice this with small stuff: If you spill something, try to control that instinctive “F@#!” and pause first, take a breath (and then calmly say oops if you want haha).
Finish sentences like statements, not questions
A subtle but powerful cue that separates junior from senior leaders: Notice how experienced leaders end their sentences firmly — like statements — not nervously like questions?
Compare:
“We should go with option A?”
“We should go with option A.”
For stuff you’re confident in, ditch the upward inflections at the end of sentences. Deliberately practice stating your ideas firmly and directly. You’ll immediately project more credibility.
Master pauses and pacing (the executive presence hack)
How fast or slow you speak sends its own message. When you're nervous, you naturally speed up — and speaking too quickly signals anxiety, which affects how confident you seem.
So: Try to talk slower. On calls, presentations, and conversations. Aim for even slower than you think.
You’ll automatically seem more ‘in control’. You'll also give listeners more time to digest your ideas, and give yourself time to choose your words more carefully.
There's also a second, more subtle technique executive coaches emphasize:
Take a short pause before responding in meetings (like when you get asked a question, or something)
Add micro-pauses between ideas within longer sentences:
“We have two options...” (pause briefly) “each has clear trade-offs.”
The no-interrupt rule (harder than it sounds)
When someone says something you disagree (or agree!) with, your instinct is to jump in. To correct. To defend. To clarify.
It’s very normal. But watch seasoned executives closely. They let people finish their thoughts fully, even if they disagree completely. Interrupting ruins rapport, and it’s hard to kickstart it if someone loses their train of thought.
Interestingly, introverts naturally excel at this skill. I see this in the data on the Coached impact assessment — if you haven’t done it, I’d recommend it.
You’ll get a personality type (like Myers-Briggs), but science-backed and actually helpful. It will tell you more in 20 minutes than 10 sessions with a career coach.
How to listen (without being awkward)
Okay, so you're not interrupting anymore. Great. But wtf do I do instead??!
What works:
Research shows that stuff like small nods, slight smiles, and acknowledgments (“mm-hmm”) dramatically improves conversational flow.
Just don’t overdo it or you’ll look like a bobblehead. Especially if you're naturally quiet or introverted, these small habits go a long way.
Here are a few more non-verbals to pay attention to (I’ll keep these short!):
Posture: doesn’t need a full lecture. Slouching reads as low energy. Shoulders back, spine supported.
Eye contact: Steady eye contact adds weight. If it feels awkward, look at the bridge of the nose.
Fidgeting: spinning pens, rings, tapping — I’m guilty too. It leaks nervous energy.
Feet planted: sounds silly, but standing or sitting with feet grounded makes you look more composed.
