One of my favourite pieces of career advice is from the 2012 commencement speech Neil Gaiman gave to UAL.
“To get hired, and stay hired,” he said, you need to do three things:
- Be easy to get along with
- Do good work
- Deliver your work on time
Then he adds,
“And you don’t even need all three. Two out of three is fine!
People will tolerate how unpleasant you are if your work is good and you deliver it on time. People will forgive the lateness of your work if it’s good and they like you. And you don’t have to be as good as everyone else if you’re on time and it’s always a pleasure to hear from you.”
I always smile when I hear that, although I do admit, having all three is probably best.
So, assuming our work is good and delivered on time, how can we be easy to get along with, & build rapport?
Here are some things I've learned of how to do this at work.
👏 Give genuine, extremely specific compliments.
Most people you meet are starved for appreciation and crave recognition. So when the opportunity presents itself, give them some!
Where people go wrong is giving insincere, canned compliments which people can see a mile away. Don’t do this as a cheap trick, but embrace it as a principle.
- ❌ Bad: “Nice presentation the other day”
- ✅ Good: "Great opening story in yesterday’s presentation. Where did you learn that?"
ツ Smile
Have you ever worked with someone who’s so negative they suck all the energy out of the room? They spend their whole lives scowling, without a good word to say about anything.
Don’t be that person.
Instead, give energy to your environment by smiling. You don’t need to be Pollyanna, but be more positive than negative. No-one likes a killjoy. Aim to make everyone’s day better for having spoken with you.
🪞 Mirror, mirror
Mirroring is a technique often used in negotiations where you subtly reflect the other person's body language and tone. It's a way to build rapport and create a sense of familiarity without saying a word.
It sounds weird, but mirroring really does work. I was skeptical at first, but then I started noticing how often it happens in natural conversations.
Think about the last time you were really engaged in a discussion with a friend. Chances are, you started to mirror each other's body language without even realizing it. Leaning in at the same time, matching each other's tone and pace, using similar mannerisms.
Mirroring is a powerful tool in the business world too. When you’re in a meeting and want to build rapport with someone, subtly reflect their body language:
- If their posture is closed, do the same
- If they're more laid back and relaxed, mirror that
- If they gesture a lot, try incorporating similar gestures
👂 Follow the 2:1 rule
Listening to someone drone on and on about themselves is exhausting.
As the saying goes, we have two ears but only one mouth - use them in that ratio, and listen twice as much as you speak. This is surprisingly key to building rapport: sit back and do less of the talking?!
But it works.
And remember, when you’re listening, actually be curious about the other person. Instead of just waiting for your turn to speak, ask them follow-up questions about what they’ve said.
🔎 Show you’re really listening
This is kinda an expansion of the last point.
One simple way to do this is by using the person's name. As Dale Carnegie famously said, "A person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language."
So don't just use their name in greetings. Sprinkle it throughout the conversation:
- "I see what you mean, Tom. That must have been challenging."
- "Sarah, what do you think is the best approach here?"
Another powerful technique is to use callbacks. If someone shares a specific detail, bring it up later in the conversation (and, especially in future conversations).
🤝 Find common ground
Imagine you're meeting a client for the first time. How can you quickly build rapport? One way is to ask general questions to find common ground:
- "I saw on LinkedIn that you've been at your company for 10 years. How’s the journey been?"
- "I read an article about how AI is transforming your industry. What's your take on it?"
- "I noticed your office is in Chicago. I love that city! What's your favorite thing to do there?"
The key is to ask open-ended questions that invite them to share. Look for opportunities to relate to what they say and share your own experiences.
When you find a topic that you're both passionate about, dive deeper. Ask follow-up questions and share your thoughts.
😮 Be interesting, not just interested
When we meet someone new, most of us default to the same old boring small talk.
- "How 'bout that weather?"
- "Got any plans for the weekend?"
Yawn. It's no wonder we struggle to build rapport. We're putting people to sleep!
To really build rapport, be interesting. How? Bring up interesting things about you, ask better questions and give your unique takes.
The goal is to be different and engaging. When you are, people will naturally be drawn to you.