Here’s a question:
What decides whether you “win” at life & in your career or “lose”? (No matter what your definition of “winning” and “losing” is)
Is it money?
Connections? Knowledge? Wisdom? Willpower? Hard work?
All these obviously help.
But what if I told you it wasn’t any of these things?
What if I told you there's an "X-factor" operating behind the scenes that secretly determines who you date, the company you work for, the money you earn, how much crap you take from your boss… and even how "popular" you are in the office?
Well, believe it or not, there is such an “X-factor”.
Your beliefs.
Because your beliefs are the “lens” through which you see the world. And while your “lens” might not determine reality, it does determine your reality.
So, how do we change our beliefs then?
Well, here’s what you’ve got to know first:
🌪️ The Cycle of Cycles
What we need to remember is this:
Belief → Action → Results (→ Belief).
To explain, imagine two people starting similar jobs:
Person A believes they're "not leadership material." So they don't sign up for leadership courses. When they're put in a leadership position, they fail because they’ve not practiced. Their belief that "they're not leadership material" gets stronger.
Person B believes leadership is learnable. So they take every opportunity, read books, volunteer for projects where they get exposure. When their chance comes, they succeed, reinforcing their belief that they can grow.
Same starting point. Completely different outcomes. The only difference? Their initial beliefs.
Remember: Beliefs determine actions, actions determine results, and results reinforce your belief. In this way, beliefs become self-fulfilling prophecies.
And here's where it gets dangerous.
Once you have one bad experience (like Person A did), your brain latches onto it as "proof" that your limiting belief was right all along. So the next time a similar opportunity comes up, you think "I failed last time, this probably won't work either."
This leads to:
→ Taking even less action (because "what's the point?")
→ Even worse preparation (because you're already expecting to fail)
→ Predictably poor results (because you've set yourself up to fail)
→ Even stronger limiting beliefs ("See? I knew I wasn't cut out for this")
It's a downward spiral that feeds on itself.
Take my friend Becca. Three years ago, she seemed super shy and had never led a team before. But here's what made the difference: she believed leadership was a skill she could improve, not some innate talent she either had or didn't have.
So when opportunities came up:
→ She bought and read leadership books
→ She asked her manager if she could lead more meetings
→ She volunteered for high-priority projects when her manager was swamped
Each small win built her confidence. When her big leadership opportunity came, she was ready. She's now leading a team of almost 20 people.
The difference between Becca and someone who stays stuck isn't natural talent – it's what they believed was possible.
🔍 Spot your career-limiting beliefs
Most of us don't even realize we're operating under limiting beliefs. They disguise themselves as "being realistic" or "knowing your limitations."
Here are some that kill careers:
- "I'm not good at networking" → You avoid industry events → Your network stays small → Fewer opportunities → "See? Networking doesn't work for people like me"
- "I could never negotiate my salary" → You accept whatever's offered → You fall behind market rate → You feel undervalued → "I guess I'm just not worth more"
- "I'm too old/young/inexperienced to make a career change" → You don't even try → You stay stuck → Opportunities pass you by → "It's too late now"
The tricky part? These beliefs feel true because they've become true through your actions (or lack thereof).
Quick exercise: Write down one career goal you've been avoiding. Then write down why you think it won't work. That "why" is probably your limiting belief disguised as logic.
The big takeaway here is…
Your career is shaped more by what you think is possible than by what's actually possible.
(write that down somewhere)
And if you're thinking "ughh easier said than done," do us both a favor and stop reading. I can't help you if you don't even believe change is possible.
(Ok ok I'm only joking... but also not really)
Look, if you want to break out of a negative spiral, you need to be open to the idea that you're in control of what you believe. Not completely in control - life happens - but way more in control than most people think.
So how do you actually change these beliefs? Here are a couple of strategies that work:
🗃️ Curate your content diet carefully
The easiest way to "hack" your beliefs? Change your definition of what's possible.
And the fastest way to do that? Pay attention to what stories you're consuming.
Think about it: your sense of what's "realistic" comes from the examples you see around you. If all you hear are stories about how competitive your industry is, how hard it is to break in, how AI is taking over so everyone is getting fired, how bad politics is making it harder to get jobs - then of course you'll believe opportunities are scarce, success is for other people, and you're lucky to have what you've got.
On the flipside, seek out stories of people doing exactly what you want to do - especially people who started from similar circumstances or inspirational-kinda content - and your brain starts thinking "if they can do it, maybe I can too."
And, of course, if you find yourself consuming too much ‘negativity’-fueled content, turn it back a notch: unfollow/mute those accounts for a bit if they’re on social.
(Part of the reason I write Coached is to give you practical ways to improve each part of your career. Once you see these things *can* be improved, you'll believe it’s possible, take action, get results, which will then reinforce the belief that you can make progress.)
🎮 Play a game within a game
Let's say you just can't shake your beliefs. You can't get inspired. Then what?
Simple: Change your "actions" by playing a "game within a game."
For example:
Let's say you have the (negative) belief that "no-one would ever respond to my cold emails."
Instead of trying to win the "full game" (getting a response), you decide to narrow your focus to playing smaller games like:
- Writing hilarious cold emails that can't be ignored
- Sending out 5 cold emails every week, regardless of how people respond
- Making it about the recipient as much as possible, not you
Because these small games are easy to act on and win… they’ll eventually give you results in the “big game” (a cold email response), which’ll change your belief.
This works because you're building evidence through action, even when your brain is still skeptical. The small wins accumulate into proof that maybe, just maybe, your limiting belief isn't as true as you thought.
🎭 Change how you're positioned
One underrated way to shift beliefs? Change how you present yourself professionally.
When you beef up your LinkedIn profile, start connecting with people in your target field, and position yourself around the work you want to be doing rather than what you're currently doing - something interesting happens.
You start seeing yourself differently. And others start seeing you differently too.
It's a simple feedback loop: present yourself as someone capable of bigger things, get treated like someone capable of bigger things, start believing you're capable of bigger things.
Speaking of positioning yourself differently —
I kept seeing friends with amazing experience get zero messages while others got flooded with opportunities. Same industry, similar backgrounds, but completely different results.
The difference? How they positioned themselves on their profiles.
We built a free LinkedIn optimization tool that shows you exactly how to reframe your experience and what to fix. Takes 30 seconds:
☝ Don’t be delusional
Here's where people mess up the whole belief-changing thing: they set completely unrealistic expectations and then wonder why it doesn't work.
They try something once or twice, don't see instant results, and conclude "this doesn't work for me."
It's their expectations!
Believing that one networking event will transform your career or that reading two leadership books makes you ready to be CEO is... well, delusional.
Set realistic timelines, or you'll quit before anything actually happens.
