There’s an old fable that goes something like this:
A scorpion wants to cross a river, but he can’t swim, so he asks a frog for a ride. The frog says, “But won’t you sting me?”
“Why would I sting you?” replies the scorpion. “If I killed you, we’d both drown.”
The frog thinks about it, and agrees.
So the scorpion hops on the frog’s back, and the frog swims out into the river. Then, half-way across, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog starts dying, and the scorpion’s drowning, and the frog says, “Why did you do that?”
The scorpion replies:
“Sorry - it’s in my nature.”
This fable, to me, is how I think about a lot of bosses & managers in the career world. They just can’t help themselves from putting more and more workload on your plate, making out-of-hours demands, running you into the ground, even when it’s against their own best interests to do so.
Luckily, the solution’s a simple one:
Know the nature of the beast you’re up against, and set boundaries against it.
Here’s a few of my favourite tips to do that:
🐸 Who’s fault is it really?
Yeah, we can moan about how people take advantage of us. But, given it’s the scorpion’s nature, imo, it’s our fault if we let the scorpion on our back.
If your boss or your colleagues are taking advantage of you?
It’s because you’re letting them.
(sorry, I don’t sugarcoat things here at Coached)
For example:
At the start of his career, deal-maker Oren Klaff was struggling to on-board a potential client who was wasting precious time and money. So, his mentor - a veteran of the finance industry - tells the would-be client to go piss up a rope.
“What are you doing?” cries Oren. “You lost us the sale!”
“No,” his mentor says, “YOU lost us the sale 8 weeks ago by putting up with their nonsense.”
=> Step 1:
Take responsibility.
Because if you see yourself as a victim, you’re robbing yourself of the power to change things.
Then…
🎱 Say the 8 Magic Words
If someone comes over to you and asks you to do something, say:
“Sure. What do you want me to de-prioritize?”
Sometimes, the most effective 'no' is disguised as a 'yes'. By agreeing to the task but immediately following up with a question about prioritization, you're not just passing the buck – you're inviting your manager to see your workload holistically. It's a subtle way of saying, "I'm at capacity, and something's gotta give.”
Usually?
They’ll understand they can’t heap this on you without consequences, causing them to re-assess.
But what if they don’t?
🔄 Position boundaries as performance enhancers
The subtle art of boundary-setting isn't about saying "no" – it's about showing how your boundaries make you more effective.
- ❌ Instead of: "Don't schedule me for back-to-back meetings."
- ✅ Try: "I deliver better results when I have 15 minutes between meetings to process and prepare."
Or say a supervisor asked you why you didn’t pick up their late call:
- ❌ Instead of: "I’ll try to answer your 8pm call next time"
- ✅ Try: "Sorry, I don’t do after hours calls. When I start taking them, I’m unable to dedicate time to my family’s after-work priorities. And if I can’t do that, I’m going to have to work from home to catch up on them and not have face time here. Basically, my work’s going to slip. And then I’m gonna struggle to get the client’s projects delivered on time. How do you want me to proceed?“
This reframing shifts the conversation from what you won't do to how you deliver your best work. It's not about limitations – it's about optimization.
I've coached executives who initially worried that setting boundaries would hurt their reputation, only to discover that articulating their work requirements actually increased others' confidence in them. People respect professionals who understand exactly what they need to perform at their peak.
💨 Delete your instinctual “yes”
“Can you get this report to me by Friday?” asks your boss.
“Yeah, sure,” you reply.
Big mistake.
Instead, to manage your workload, turn your instinctual “yes” into a:
✅ “Can I get back to you on this? Let me check my schedule.”
🧩 Have S.O.P.
Every organization from medics to Navy Seals has SOP - Standard Operating Procedures. They’re basically your personal rules.
I’d encourage you to do the same.
For example:
- “I don’t check my work phone at home.”
- “I don’t check work email at home.”
- “It’s mom time after 7pm - can’t stay later.”
- “It’s date night with my wife on Wednesday’s - let’s do Thursday instead.”
These are kinda like your guardrails and act as a reminder to you before you commit to stuff. You won’t always be able to communicate these directly — it’s TMI to tell people when date night is! — but having them as a reminder will make it easier to use some of the tactics I mentioned earlier.
🦁 Learn to growl
If you poked a dog, and it suddenly bit your hand, you'd think "that dog's dangerous."
On the other hand, if it growled when you poked it, and you kept annoying it, and then the dog bit you, you'd think, "well, I did deserve it."
Do the same at work by learning to growl when you're not happy with something.
Imagine a colleague dumps a load of work on your desk and wants it done by the end of the day.
- ❌ Bad: Saying "OK! Will do" or nothing at all, and complaining to your SO when you get home.
- ✅ Good: “Hey Matt, I have too many other priorities right now. Can you ask X what I should be deprioritizing to get this done?” or just "Last minute isn't ideal. Would you mind giving me a couple of days heads-up next time?"
That's a tiny growl to warn Matt you want a change. If he keeps doing it, then you escalate.
👶 For new joiners — start strong, relax later
There's a saying among teachers: "Don't smile until Christmas." The idea is that it's easier to start strict and gradually relax than to start loose and try to tighten up later.
The same applies to workplace boundaries.
When you join a new team or start a new project, establish your boundaries immediately. Try to make it clear from day one how you work, when you're available, and what your response times are.
I've seen this play out repeatedly: People who set clear expectations early are respected, while those who try to implement boundaries after months of 24/7 availability face resistance and resentment. These are good examples:
- ✅ "I'm available on Slack between 9-6, and for emergencies, you can reach me by phone."
- ✅ "I batch-process emails three times daily rather than constantly checking."
- ✅ "I block out Tuesdays from 1-5 for focused work without meetings."
People adapt to clear expectations far better than they adapt to shifting goalposts.
