In all my years writing these Coached emails, there’s one thing that I’ve been harping on about again and again:
The power of networking.
Because (who you know) + (what you know) = a very promising career path.
But everytime I say this, there’s always people who complain:
“I’ve tried networking, but it never seems to work.”
Hmmm.
Reminds me of people getting injured doing squats and then blaming the squats. (Hint hint: it’s not the squats that’re the problem, it’s the way you’re doing them that’s the problem.)
So today, let’s go over one of the usual suspects when it comes to bad networking “form”:
Looking in the wrong places.
Because just like buying a house or going on a romantic picnic…. the most important thing with networking is location, location, location.
Let’s roll.
🌹 Networking is like dating
Imagine you’re on a quest to find the man or woman of your dreams to marry and live happily ever after.
The first question would obviously be,
“Where should I start looking?”
And the answer to that question is, - to use a Top Gun quote - in “target-rich environments.” (I.e places with lots of suitable candidates).
Note: the key word here is “suitable.”
Sure, there might be loads of singles in nightclubs, but if I’m looking for someone who loves books and classical music… it’d be a huge waste of time.
(I’d be far better off joining a book club, attending a Ludovico Einaudi concert, or, I dunno, going to a wine tasting.)
By the same token…
If I’m looking to build a solid network, there’s certain places I’d never go either.
For example:
🤌🏼 The bigger the badder
Yeah, I know. Gatsby said something about liking big parties, because they’re more intimate than small ones. I get it.
But for networking?
I disagree.
IMO, networking at big events where thousands of people show up is always harder, because a) it’s hard to break past small talk, and b) there’s that “big city” vibe going on where no-one really wants to know who you are and what you do.
Sure, if you throw enough mud at the wall, something’s gonna stick. But if I was you, I’d look for smaller, “cozier” events where it’s not all name-tags and freebies.
🥱 Avoid the generic
Let’s say you’re a marketer and your speciality is running ads on TikTok.
Don’t go to a generic ‘marketing event’ - find events more “niche” aimed at TikTok marketing.
Why?
Think about it:
Which event gives you more “status” (and will introduce you to people of higher “status” in your industry)?
An event put on for Joe-Schmoe? Or an event about the cutting edge of TikTok analytics, where it feels like an exclusive club to attend?
Related:
🎓 Steer clear of NewbieCon
Some events are aimed at beginners, while some cater to seasoned pros.
Find the latter.
To tell which is which, look at the agenda.
Are the topics aimed at newbies (“How to build a Facebook page”), or are they aimed at the big hitters (“Tactics that helped scale our leads from 10k to 100k people a month”)?
🫀 The anatomy of a successful networking relationship
Before we dive into more networking no-nos, let's take a step back and consider what makes a networking relationship truly successful.
In my experience, the best networking relationships have three key components:
- Thoughtful conversation: You get past small talk, pleasantries and elevator pitches. Instead, you're having in-depth discussions about your industry, your challenges, and your goals.
- Mutual benefit: Both parties see value in the relationship.
- Respect: You admire each other's work and expertise. There's no hidden agenda.
When you keep these components in mind, it becomes clear why certain networking situations just don't work.
Take speed networking events, for example.
🏃 Speed networking events
We’re back to the quantity over quality problem.
But also…
The best relationships usually occur when both parties aren’t needy, and things happen organically as if it was “meant to be.”
“Speed networking” is the antithesis of this. Everyone’s there to get something, and it’s very transactional.
I’m not saying it can’t work, it’s just very… inorganic.
There's no time for thoughtful conversation when you're being shuffled from one person to the next every few minutes.
And it's hard to establish mutual benefit or respect when you barely have a chance to scratch the surface of who someone is and what they do.
📢 Avoid “Conferences”
When I worked in analytics, I was sent to a lot of different analytics “conferences”.
But what I found out was…
… they weren’t actually conferences. They were poorly disguised sales pitches designed to “connect you” with vendors.
I’ve seen the same with “founder groups”. Instead of meeting like-minded entrepreneurs, it’s just sleazy sales people wanting to pitch you their product.
=> Does an event have a sponsor-list longer than the Dead Sea Scrolls?
Red flag. 🚩
And it's not just in-person events. The same thing happens in most online networking groups.
You join a LinkedIn/FB/etc group hoping to connect with people in your industry. But, all you see are people pitching their latest product or service.
Get out of those online groups and join those where there’s little to no advertising.
⚽ Ok, so where do I look?
Here’s a thought:
Instead of looking for networking “events”... try to do a bit of low-key networking at the events you already go to (or that you’d be going to anyway).
For example…
My friend’s built a lovely “network” through her running team. Turns out there’s an intersection of people who want to improve themselves fitness-wise that also want to improve themselves career-wise (who knew?!).
Think of the hobbies you do regularly (or which you could do regularly). Are you making an effort to speak to people there?
🌐 Don't limit yourself to IRL
Networking events are great, but they're not the only way to grow your network. Online is very effective too.
I say this from experience:
I’ve been posting career strategy on LinkedIn for about 7 months now, and I’ve engaged with people in comments or through DMs (or through these emails!).
I’ve had those thoughtful conversations, without the time pressure or distractions of in-person events. And if you’re not following me there yet, here’s a link to my profile.
