“Hey Rohan, met you a few years back at ABC Conference and I’m wanting to switch careers. Can you ping anything that might be suitable my way? Thanks!”
“Hello mate, I graduated from Harvard, and my resume is attached. I am looking for work in your field and hope you can be an employment contact.”
“Hey Rohan, can I pick your brain for 30 minutes? ”
🤦
These emails all have one thing in common: they'll get ignored or deleted.
Most people think networking is about reaching out to as many people as possible. Wrong. It's about not making these five mistakes that instantly kill your credibility.
🗡 Being a time vampire
The people you're contacting are busy/successful. That's probably WHY you want to connect with them in the first place.
Successful people didn't get there by giving away their time carelessly.
So, let’s not complain that these people won’t give away their time to us easily.
=> Rule #1, respect their time.
Which means:
- Remove fluff
- No life stories (or keep them super short)
- And get to the point — be upfront about what you want
🌡️ Defuse the pressure
Whenever you’re communicating, you’re either increasing the pressure, or decreasing the pressure, based on whether you’re pushing your agenda or theirs.
For example:
- Bad: Hey Dave, I’m applying for an intern position this year, and wanted to ask you about the work culture at HSBC. When’s a good time to talk?
(High-pressure: it’s not about Dave, but the sender.)
- Good: Hey Dave, you must be really busy at this time of year, so I’ll keep this short.
I saw your article in Finance Weekly – really interesting read. I was wondering, as you’ve worked at both HSBC and Lloyds, which one would you pick if you were to start out again as an intern?
(Lower-pressure: it’s about Dave, not the sender).
=> Rule 2: Make it about them, not you.
Plus, here's an extra tip:
To increase your chances of a reply, make it REALLY easy for people to reply. I like to do this by asking a multiple choice question, I ask “what’d you do, A or B?”.
Take the second example above. We say,'HSBC or Lloyd's – which one would you choose?'This method gets more responses than something open-ended like“How is working at HSBC?”
🥺 Don’t be needy
Neediness repels people. It signals that you're taking more value than you're giving. An example:
"Hi Sarah, I’ve been following your career for a while and really admire your success at ABC News. I'm trying to break into media but haven't had much luck so far. I think you would really be able to help me get my foot in the door. I would be so eternally grateful if you could help me”
This screams desperation and would make any recipient feel uncomfortable. It also puts all the burden on them to solve your problems.
=> Rule #3: avoid all neediness.
Keep the tone of your emails casual. And don’t make huge asks. For example, you could do something like this in the P.S:
“P.S I know you must be super busy this time of year, so no need to respond. Thanks!”
That reduces the perceived neediness and shows respect for their time (Rule #1).
🧠 “Can I pick your brain?”
Ok, I’m going to sound salty here…but, seriously, this right here is a networking monstrosity. Don’t ever say this! It suggests to them that…
- the convo’s going to be vague and unstructured (thus likely a waste of time)
- you don’t even know what you want out of it (and you want them to figure it out)
- and there’s nothing in it for them (so even more of a waste of time).
So rule #4: make your ask clear. (No brain picking!)
🙏 Not sending a “thank you”
If someone goes out of their way to help you… thank them!
Over the last 6 years I’ve spent writing these emails, I’ve replied to maybe 5000 people personally who ask for advice on their specific situation.
90% of the time, I don’t hear anything back. So if someone helps you, say thank you. You’ll automatically be in the top 10%.
And to be in the top 1%?
Send an update email to them after a few weeks saying how you actually took action on the advice.
This will make you stand out, and make them more likely to help you out the next time.
Also: A genuine thanks by email is often enough, but I’ve sent Starbucks or DoorDash gift cards to show I really mean the thank you too — it’s always been well received.
=> Rule 5: express your thanks
And let’s do one quick tip to finish:
💎 Add value where possible
The best networking emails offer something useful upfront. This could be:
- A relevant article they might find interesting
- An introduction to someone in your network
- A specific insight about their industry
- Information that helps them with their work
Or, you could even offer to share learnings from your conversation with them publicly. For example, you could post their opinion to LinkedIn, or talk about it in a presentation, or feature it in a writing assignment, or a newspaper article etc.
Example:
Hey Steve, I’d like to interview you and share what you have to say about X, Y and Z on my LinkedIn profile. I have a lot of people I’m connected with who are trying to become X, and I think your view on them will be super helpful to them.
That way, when you make your ask, there’s something in it for them too.
