You know what's weird?
How we're all supposedly adults, but still feel that stomach-drop moment when someone posts about their new promotion, dream house, or perfect relationship.
It’s a mix of happiness for them, sure, but also that other feeling we don't like to admit. That twinge that makes you wonder: "Why not me?"
Jealousy is universal. The most successful people in the world feel it.
But here's what most advice gets wrong: it's not about eliminating these feelings. It's about what you do with them once they show up.
🔥 Your two choices…
To me, jealousy’s a bit like trash-talking in the NBA.
Some players let it eat away at them and make them play worse. But then others - Michael Jordan, for example - use it as fuel to take their game to the next level.
We have the same choice with jealousy: either it uses us, or we use it.
🧠 The biology behind the feeling
Jealousy isn't a character flaw. It's hardwired into us.
Throughout human history, social standing directly impacted survival. Being excluded from the group or missing out on resources could be life-threatening. We evolved to be hyper-aware of where we stood relative to others.
That's why social comparison feels so instinctive. Your brain is constantly scanning: "How am I doing compared to my peers? Am I falling behind?" It's not rational in today's world, but it's deeply wired.
IMHO, understanding this biological basis helps depersonalize the feeling. You're not a bad person for feeling jealous — your brain is just doing what evolution designed it to do.
🧭 What your jealousy is actually telling you
Next time you feel that twinge, pay attention instead of pushing it away. It's highlighting something you genuinely value but might not be actively pursuing.
If a friend's promotion makes you envious, maybe career growth matters more to you than you've acknowledged. If someone's work-life balance triggers it, perhaps you need to reassess your own boundaries.
Jealousy is like an arrow pointing toward what matters to you – not what you think should matter, but what actually does.
I've learned to treat these feelings as valuable data. When I noticed myself feeling ‘jealous’ of people who'd built creative stuff, it clarified that I needed more creative expression in my work – something I'd been neglecting.
🔍 Catch the feeling
To deal with emotions, we have to be aware of them. So get good at recognizing the little voice in your head which wants to pull other people down.
Also, remember: that voice isn't really you! (It's often your ego).
A simple practice: When that jealous feeling hits, just label it. "There's jealousy." That tiny bit of distance lets you choose your response instead of just reacting.
🔍 The "growth" reframe
Once you’ve caught the thought, challenge it.
(Think of your mind as a house. When “jealousy” is at the door, you don’t need to let it in. Reject it, and invite something else in instead).
Replace the jealous thought by consciously thinking something like, “if they can do it, why can’t I?” or, “Impressive. How can I learn from this person?”
What we’re doing here is “converting” jealousy into inspiration. And btw, this is very hard at first. But do it enough times, and it’ll become a habit.
🚀 Adopt a growth mindset
The main barrier to this "conversion process" is having a fixed mindset. It's a big topic for another time, but for now, here's the gist:
Fixed mindset:
Believes that our skills/talents are "fixed", so feels threatened by the success of others and terrified of failure.
Growth mindset:
Believes skill comes from working at it, so gets inspired by others. Sees failure as a sign you're pushing yourself.
📚 Become a student
This is growth mindset 101:
When you feel jealous, show some humility, give the other person props, and ask them if they'd show you how they did it. Become a student, not a hater.
For example:
- If someone you know lands a great job: Instead of stewing in jealousy, ask them about their job search strategy. What platforms did they use? (hint: it was probably Resume Worded ;)) How did they position their experience?
- That colleague who seems to get praise in every meeting? Pay attention to how they communicate ideas. Notice what makes their presentations effective instead of resenting their spotlight.
- That person who always seems to get great opportunities? Check out their LinkedIn profile. See how they’ve optimized theirs…or better yet:
Speaking of LinkedIn —
I kept seeing friends with amazing experience get zero messages on LinkedIn while others got flooded with opportunities. The difference wasn't their experience - it was how they optimized their profiles.
We built a free tool that shows you exactly how to optimize yours. Takes 30 seconds:
Check it out here.
🔥 Turn jealousy into rocket fuel
Jealousy creates emotional energy – lots of it. The trick is channeling that energy toward progress instead of resentment.
So if you recognize yourself feeling jealous:
- Write it down: What specifically triggered you?
- Take one small action within 48 hours: Do something concrete that moves you toward what you actually want.
👥 Actually root for others (not just pretend to)
One of the most powerful mindset shifts happens when you move from seeing success as a limited resource to seeing it as abundant.
When someone in your field succeeds, practice genuine celebration – not just saying the right things while internally feeling bitter, but actually finding joy in their achievement.
This isn't just about being a good person. It fundamentally changes how you approach your own work:
- You stop seeing others as competition and start seeing them as proof of what's possible
- You begin noticing opportunities for collaboration rather than combat
- You create an environment where people want to help you succeed too
It's hard to stay jealous of someone you're actively supporting. And genuine support tends to come back around in unexpected ways.
⚡️ Remember what matters to you (not them)
At the end of the day, jealousy often comes from losing sight of your own path while fixating on someone else's.
The truth is, what makes others successful might make you miserable. The position you envy might require sacrifices you wouldn't actually want to make if you saw the full picture.
When I catch myself in comparison mode, I've learned to pause and reconnect with my own definition of success. What actually matters to me? What kind of life am I building? What tradeoffs am I willing – and unwilling – to make?
