I heard this story about an engineer who didn't think it mattered that he never spoke to his colleagues.
I mean, he’s an engineer.
What's talking got to do with it?
Then, he gets assigned to a new project, and when he introduces himself and starts speaking to a colleague, the colleague says, "It sounds silly but I somehow thought you were unfriendly, but you're the total opposite."
That's when it dawned on him:
Because he thought social skills were unimportant, the entire office thought he was kinda unfriendly.
So, he makes more of an effort to get to know people, and hey presto (who's "presto"?), he starts enjoying her work more, and even gets promoted to a leadership position down the line.
Moral of the story?
Sure, you don't need to talk to people at work.
But how much is not making an effort costing your career?
And that segues into what I wanna talk about today:
If I've convinced you of the value of socializing…
How do you do it?
Well, here's a few tips that - if you follow 'em - will probably help you talk to just about anyone - at work, and just about everywhere else.
👣 5 Small-Talks a Day…
(...keeps the social recluse at bay? 🤔)
Most people suck at talking to people because.. they don’t talk to people.
So your job?
Start making small-talk! Specifically, with 5 people a day. It doesn’t need to be deep, or meaningful, or original. If you say, “Nice day, huh?”, (or make any effort at all) you get a point.
Here’s what happens when you do this:
Small-talk will become natural. You’ll start to enjoy it. You’ll get comfortable (and good at) conversation. And some of those “small-talks” will turn into genuine conversations.
A tip: Start small. Say "How's your morning going?" to the barista instead of just mumbling your order. No pressure to continue, it’s just about getting comfy in these situations.
And when they do, you’re gonna want this next tip:
✨ Find their "spark"
I used to go to this fuel station which had the grumpiest attendant in the world. Every time I asked, "Hey, how's your day going?", the guy would be miserable.
So one day, I ask him what he'd been up to lately.
"Fixing a bike," he says.
So I tell him I've always wanted to buy a motorcycle, and asked what'd be a good first motorbike to buy.
Boom!
The guy starts talking and talking and talking, and 10 minutes later, we're still talking about bikes. (This was the guy who didn't say a word)
What happened?
I found his "spark" - the topic he couldn't get enough of.
Your goal in conversation?
Find that spark. Everyone has one.
🔬 Do your homework
If you know who you're meeting, a little prep goes a long way.
Knowing a niche detail about someone is like a cheat code for conversation. It bypasses small talk and gets you to their spark quickly. If you know someone loves tennis, or tweets about gardening, bring it up in conversation.
In that way, conversation is kinda like cooking.
The more “ingredients” you have to play with, the better the dish. So be curious.
💭 Ask better questions
Ditch the vanilla. Small talk is useful to break the ice, but keep it to one piece of common small talk max.
Ever notice how most conversations follow a script?
"Hi, how are you?"
"Good, you?"
"Fine. Great weather, huh?"
"Yeah. How’s work?"
"Can't complain. Family good?"
"Yep. Yours?" …. ugggggh
Riveting stuff, right?
Your mission: Short-circuit this robotic exchange. Jolt people out of autopilot.
My go-to question for striking up meaningful convos?
- "What are you looking forward to?"
Everyone's excited about their upcoming vacation. No one's that thrilled about their specific day. It puts people in a good mood and often leads to more interesting chat. And that brings me to…
🙌 Bring the positive energy
Ever notice how when someone's complaining, you suddenly remember you have to be somewhere else? Yeah, nobody wants more problems.
Talking to people is all about bringing positive energy. In casual convos with new people, side on light and upbeat.
Share things you're excited about, or ask what they're looking forward to. Avoid criticizing your work/employer or the event you might be at. Politics is almost always a good one to stay away from for new conversations.
🤐 Know when to wrap it up
When you talk, don't ramble. Learn to recognize when your story is going way too long.
Watch for cues:
- Are they looking around the room?
- Checking their phone?
- Giving short, one-word responses?
Time to wrap it up.
A good rule of thumb: If you've been talking for more than a minute without the other person chiming in, you might be overdoing it.
👂 The art of listening
You might have to do more of the talking to initiate your conversation, but eventually, you need to focus more on listening.
A stat I heard from a podcaster: Aim for 70% listening. If you're listening for less than that, you're not asking good enough questions.
When someone's talking, don't just wait for your turn to speak. Actually listen.
And when you respond, show you were paying attention. Use their words. Reference what they said. Remember their name.
