We’ve all heard the saying that 90-something percent of communication is non-verbal.
But what does that actually mean?
Well, take three scenarios:
Scenario 1:
You’re at a bar with friends, and your popular friend arrives 10 minutes late. You’re the first to spot him coming in, and you shout to everyone with a grin, “Here’s Johnny!”
Scenario 2:
You’re working on a project with colleagues, and your overbearing boss, who everyone hates, walks in. You roll your eyes and mutter, “Here’s Johnny…”
Scenario 3:
Jack Torrance in The Shining smashes the bathroom door open with an axe, and announces with the creepiest smile imaginable, “Here’s Johnny!”
What’s the lesson here?
In all three cases, the verbal information is the same, but the message couldn’t be more different. And that’s because the non-verbals determine what the verbals mean.
A fake compliment makes you feel disgusted, but the same compliment said with a real smile and a touch on the shoulder makes you feel special.
So..
Given how important non-verbals are, what are the things we should watch out for at work?
Here’s a few of them:
🧎🏻 Posture
When animals feel weak, they make themselves smaller. Think of what happens when you shout at a dog for eating cake off the countertop - he comes back with his tail between his legs, hugging the floor.
We humans do something similar by rounding our shoulders and slouching.
This matters because if your posture is terrible, you’re sending weak signals out. And if you’re sending weak signals out, you’ll find it hard to be seen as a leader. People don’t follow the weak.
=> Improve your posture!
As the saying goes, stand up straight with your shoulders back. No slouching.
What you can do right now:
- Whenever you catch yourself slouching, roll your shoulders back and take a deep breath.
- If you have an office chair, adjust it so your feet are flat on the floor and your spine is supported.
(This 10-min YouTube video of posture correction exercises might help.)
👁️ Michael Caine’s acting secret
In a masterclass, Michael Caine shared the secret of how he captivated audiences for 70 years in his legendary acting career:
Eye contact.
Caine explains that the more you blink, the less people take you seriously. By purposefully not blinking, his words took on an air of gravitas. (vid here)
This highlights the huge connection between eye contact & emotion which we sense intuitively. When we feel guilty, for example, it’s hard to look people in the eyes.
Bottom line:
If you don’t look up at who you’re talking to, it doesn’t matter how good your ideas are. People might feel something’s off. So:
=> Make eye contact.
Here’s how:
- Look at the person’s face long enough to notice their eye color (but don’t stare like a serial killer).
- If you feel awkward, glance at the bridge of their nose—it still “reads” as eye contact from their perspective.
🐢 Slow your speech
Even though this might feel a bit off-track since we're focusing on non-verbal cues, how fast or slow you talk actually sends a big message without saying anything different. It's like your speech pace is a non-verbal cue all by itself.
The more nervous you are, the faster you’ll usually speak. And the faster you speak, the less confident you’ll seem.
Make a conscious effort to speak slower, and you’ll automatically seem more ‘in control’. Plus, whoever’s listening to you will better digest what you're saying. It also gives you the time to choose your words more carefully.
Also, get comfortable with silence and taking pauses between sentences.
Practical tip:
- If you tend to rush, practice by reading a paragraph out loud slowly. Notice where you can insert small pauses for effect.
- In meetings, let yourself pause for a second before replying. It helps you gather your thoughts and appear more deliberate.
😱 Avoid exaggerated gestures or overreactions
In work settings, it's often a sign of composure to keep your gestures measured and your expressions in check.
For example:
If I brought bad news to a very inexperienced manager, they might react by instantly throwing their hands up in the air and exclaiming, “WTF? NO!”
On the flipside:
An experienced manager who’s in control of their emotions and body language would likely react differently. They might nod, say “hmm”, take a silent pause, and then reply in a more measured way.
You can practice getting better at this by paying attention to how you react to everyday situations at work. Make a conscious effort to pause before responding, especially when surprised or upset. Over time, this habit will help you maintain a more composed demeanor, turning measured reactions into your second nature.
Here are a few more non-verbals to pay attention to (I’ll keep these short!):
- Aim for a firm handshake
- Try to avoid keeping your hands in your pockets
- Avoid fidgeting — I’m guilty of this one! I have a habit of spinning my pen a lot and it comes across as lacking composure.
