A huge part of your career (and life, honestly) depends on random conversations:

• Airbnb started because after a design class, Joe Gebbia went up to speak to Brian Chesky, who became his co-founder.
• A friend of mine struck up a conversation with someone at a mutual friend’s birthday party — they now have two kids.
• Or even personally: One of my closest friends and collaborators today is someone I randomly started talking to at a coffee shop.

We often emphasize "getting after it" — don't be shy, chase down opportunities, put yourself out there. And that's important.

But there's another side to this that's criminally underrated:

How approachable you seem to others.

Because no matter how driven or proactive you are, many life-changing conversations only happen if people feel comfortable walking up and talking TO YOU.

Be honest:

On a scale of 1-10, how comfortable is it to strike up a conversation with you? 

If you’re below a 3?

You’re probably nuking your chances of those random lucky interactions that could take you places, kinda like…

🤔 My 3/10 boss

An old boss I had was a really smart guy. He was really good at what he did. Nice guy when you got to know him.

But, he always looked angry. 

So, nobody really spoke to the guy. People would literally say later: "I was too scared to ask him questions" or “I don’t think he’d be open to the idea”.

Think about that:

How many conversations, opportunities & relationships did his “unapproachability” cost him over his 40-year career?

100? 

1,000?

10,000?

So remember…

🤔 Your scowl isn’t cheap

Unapproachability doesn’t show up as one big failure. It’s more a hidden tax. For example, someone sees you and briefly thinks of inviting you into a promising conversation…but holds back because you seem tense or preoccupied.

Now, obviously, I'm not suggesting you should invite endless interruptions or meaningless chats into your day. Too approachable can also become a distraction.

But there’s a sweet spot, especially if you’re at one extreme. Here’s how to get there.

😑 Revamp your resting face

In pop culture, there’s the term “Resting B* Face”, or RBF for short.

From Wikipedia:

“RBF is a facial expression that unintentionally creates the impression that a person is angry, annoyed, irritated, or contemptuous, particularly when the individual is relaxed, or resting.”

Obviously, that’s what we wanna avoid.

Next time you’re standing in line (e.g., waiting for coffee), glance around. Most people's neutral expression looks super pissed off. You'd hesitate before approaching most!

So, do the opposite: Be a little more aware of what your neutral expression looks like — at work, at events, at gatherings.

👁️ Craft your calling card

Question:

If someone calls your name, what do you do?

Punish them with a grunt, side-glance or a dull, “Huh” or “What?”

Or reward them by chirping back a warm, “Hey, what’s up Sarah?”

Remember: In every interaction, we’re teaching people how to treat us the next time. Want to be approachable? Make them feel good for approaching you.

🤸 What’s your body saying?

When you walk through the office, is your head up, making eye contact, greeting people with an occasional nod or smile? Or are you head-down, trying to get to your cubicle with the least amount of human contact possible?

During meetings are your arms always crossed? Are you leaning forward slightly, signaling openness? At conferences, are you slouched over, staring at your phone?

This might be Obvious-Adams but…

If it looks like you don’t want to be approached, people won’t approach you. 

On the flip-side…

An open body invites people to be open back.

Because your next big opportunity often starts from someone feeling comfortable enough to say: “Hey, got a minute?”

🌍 Approachability matters on LinkedIn too

A friend who’s a partner at a big VC firm told me that the first advice they give new associates — whose entire job depends on meeting founders and sourcing deals — is to explicitly make their LinkedIn profile approachable.

For example, adding friendly phrases like: "Always happy to jam about startups in fintech." or "Love hearing from founders working on productivity tools."

It sounds minor, but these little cues signal openness, making it easier for others to reach out - which is exactly how many great opportunities start.

So:

If you haven’t yet, optimize your LinkedIn profile using this tool. It’ll help you craft an engaging narrative that’ll make more people want to reach out.

Question:

When was the last time you spent an hour genuinely bored?

No phone, scrolling, or emails…with nothing to do but twiddle your thumbs.

Let me guess:

You can’t remember. (Dw, I’m not judging. I’m guilty of this too!)

We live in a very stimulated world, where even the tiiiiiniest amount of boredom gets instantly whack-a-moled by our dopamine-dealing devices.

Ok, you say. So what?

Well, here’s what:

Could our constantly stimulated brains be holding our careers back?

And, vice versa:

Could intentionally making space for boredom be the career boost we’ve been missing?

Let’s find out.

🤔 Was Amazon built by “puttering”?

To start, here’s what Jeff Bezos, founder of Amazon, said about his morning routine:

"I putter in the morning. […] I slowly move around. I'm not as productive as you might think I am. Because I do believe in wandering."

He also says that “We don’t get on our phones [in the first hour of the day]. That’s one of the rules.”

Sounds inconsequential. But is it? Interestingly, Bezos says it’s this “puttering” time when he gets his best ideas. Now, I know…Bezos isn’t the most relatable dude out there, so it doesn’t prove a lot. BUT here’s what I’ve noticed in my own life:

My ideas flow best during quiet, device-free moments — morning coffee, when I walk aimlessly, or I try to fall asleep, or while I shower. Moments when, from the outside, it looks like I’m doing absolutely nothing.

(Fun fact: Aaron Sorkin, Oscar-winning screenwriter behind The Social Network, takes 6-8 showers a day when he’s working on projects because that's where his best ideas consistently show up.)

Here’s what I think’s going on:

🤔 Fallow field theory

Farmers know that to keep their fields productive, they have to let them rest every few years. Athletes do likewise - the body can only do so much before it collapses.

Imo? 

The mind’s the same.

Unless you want a brain that’s only ever in a “meh” state, you need to give it a break from stimulation so it can digest the “input” that’s come before. 

Put simply…

Constant stimulation kills creativity.

Ok, so if boredom = room for big ideas, how do we actually make time for it?

Here are some ideas:

🕘 Daily “empty time”

Schedule short “empty time” breaks daily.

Meals are an easy starting point — just eat, without reading, watching or listening to something.

Sounds dumb, but it’s harder than you think if you’re like me and constantly checked your phone during solo meals. Try not to. Your mind will wander, random memories might pop up, and it might feel pointless. But let it happen.

🚶 Walks without headphones

A lot of history’s greatest thinkers swear by walking.

Aristotle taught his students while walking around the Lyceum. Steve Jobs held meetings on the move. And Nietzsche - who walked 10 hours a day sometimes (!) said that, “all truly great thoughts are conceived while walking.”

So, go for a walk.

The only rule: No headphones.

Let yourself be bored with only your own thoughts. You’ll get some mental white space back.

🗑️ Don’t fill the micro-gaps

The moment there’s a “micro-gap” in our day — like waiting in line, waiting for a friend, or even waiting for a Zoom meeting to start — we reflexively grab our phones and start scrolling. Instead:

• Observe your surroundings. Notice the mundane (e.g. the design of the ceiling lights, the texture of your coffee cup) or whatever comes to mind.
• If you must do something, keep a tiny sticky note pad. Jot down random thoughts, scribble to-do lists, or doodle aimlessly.
• A quick hack: Don’t put your phone on your desk. When it’s sitting there in your line of sight, it’s constantly asking to be picked up.

I like this mindset shift: see these mini-waiting periods as little windows of rest and reflection, instead of dead time to be “filled.”

🤹‍♀️ Don’t multitask the mundane

Stop multitasking the everyday stuff: washing dishes, folding laundry, sorting out admin, driving to work. If you’re like most, you turn on a podcast or flick on YouTube to keep yourself “entertained.”

Try skipping that.

These “mundane” moments can be weirdly meditative (and productive!) if you let them breathe, instead of drowning them in constant noise.

✏️ Grab a single sheet of paper

If you prefer slightly structured boredom, grab a single piece of paper and a pen. Set a timer (10-20 mins), then write whatever comes to mind: random thoughts, words that spring to mind, half-baked ideas, or doodles. Don’t worry about neatness or logic.

I hope that makes you think about boredom a little differently. And you actually go seek it at some point today.

If you can, today, pick and try out at least one of the strategies above — and see how it feels! You may discover that a little monotony can unlock a whole lot of creativity.

At New Year, I’m reminded of a scene in the book Gates of Fire, where the Spartans battle a city called Artemisium.

Quick context: The Spartans were professional, highly disciplined soldiers — the crème de la crème of Ancient Greece. The locals were amateurs: fishermen, potters, and farmers, who hadn’t fought in battle before but had to defend their homes.

So…

The two armies are facing off…

And interestingly, have polar opposite ways of preparing themselves. 

The Spartans quietly put on their armour, get into battle formation, and march forward slowly and calmly, chanting a hymn.

Whereas the locals?

Give this huge “rah-rah” motivational speech. And while this gets them pumped up and charging into battle, after a few minutes, the inevitable happens: 

The motivational “high” (which the Spartans called, “fake courage”) wears off, and their spirit crumbles. 

Why am I reminded of this at New Year?

Well…come January 1st…

Most people, like the locals, are “pumping themselves up”. 

How they’re gonna “crush it” in 2026, making ambitious resolutions, ready to go out swinging.

But what happens?

Statistically, 95% will quit in two weeks time.

Now, don’t get me wrong. 

I’m not saying that New Year is a terrible time to make changes. Au contraire - it’s a fantastic time to make changes. 

But there’s an “amateur” and a “professional” way of going about it. And the “professional” way is what I’d like to share in today’s Coached. 

Let’s go.

🔤 “1,2,3, Ubuntu!”

True story:

In 2007, the Boston Celtics finished almost last in the NBA. 

The coach had to turn things around or he’d get fired. But there were so many problems to fix: player egos, defense, bad tactics, motivation. He knew trying to fix everything at once would end up fixing nothing.

Instead, he simplified everything down to just one idea, captured by a single word:

“Ubuntu”… which comes from the old African proverb, “I am because we are.” In plain English: “teamwork” above everything.

The word was everywhere: It was screamed at every huddle. Players said it to each other. It was on fan merch too:

The players were constantly reminded of it and it became their guiding principle.

And it worked. The Celtics pulled off one of the biggest turnarounds and won the league in 2008.

You should use this tactic too.

Choose a one-word “theme” for your year that’ll guide everything in your life, not just your career. 

Mine last year was, “creativity”, and the year before was “foundations.” This year, it’s “agency.” (Why agency? I want to make more things happen for me, and want less of the routine ‘let life happen to me kinda stuff’. I’m working on an essay on this - soon!)

Then, put the word somewhere it’ll stare you in the face:

• A sticky note on your desk or bathroom mirror
• A daily placeholder recurring slot on your calendar
• Your phone background

P.S. reply with your word of the year — I’m curious what you’ll choose!

Once you have that, ask…

🎯 What’s your “one thing”?

Now, take your chosen word and distill it into a clear, practical goal. I like using Gary Keller’s "focusing question":

“What’s the 1 thing I can do this year, such that by doing it, everything else becomes easier and/or unnecessary?”

Here’s how.

• If your word is agency (like mine), your one thing might be setting a Sunday "agency block" in your calendar — one hour dedicated purely to proactively shaping your week rather than reacting to it.
• If your word is creativity, commit to breaking your routine in a small way each week - even if tiny. (Cook a new recipe, walk home via a different route, or write a post on LinkedIn on something new.)
• If your word is relationships, schedule 10 minutes every Friday to quickly check in with someone professionally — a quick email or LinkedIn message. Or simply optimizing your LinkedIn profile to make it easier for others to connect with you

(If your goals involve networking or professional growth, optimizing your LinkedIn profile is a simple first step. Use this free tool.)

The point is to let that 1 thing become the driving force that aligns with your theme.

This can obviously evolve in a month or two — but start with just one regular activity.

〰️ Turn your "one thing" into actions you fully control

Notice what most people’s resolutions look like: "lose weight," "become fluent in French," or "build a personal brand."

The problem with them?

They're outcomes. And outcomes are NOT directly within your control.

(You can’t wake up in the morning and decide how much weight you’re gonna lose, or how much French your brain remembers, or how popular you’re gonna be online). 

Reason being, they’re “lag” measures that result from other actions. These other actions are called “lead” measures, and that’s what you want as a goal.

For example:

• Instead of "lose weight," your action could be "walk 4,000 steps every morning.”
• Instead of "become fluent in French," commit to "ask ChatGPT to have a convo with you in French for an hour."
• Instead of “build my brand”, write 8 pieces of LinkedIn content each week and review/tweak what works and doesn’t.

If you find your big goals are harder to break down — e.g. say it’s “get promoted by Q4” — ask yourself “What daily or weekly actions am I in full control of that would make that more likely?” That’s your lead measure.

Could be scheduling bi-weekly catch-ups with your manager to discuss growth, or volunteering for high-visibility projects.

🚨 Beware the glorious failure

One last thought to keep things on track:

In his book How to Live on 24 Hours a Day, Arnold Bennett said:

“Beware of undertaking too much at the start. A glorious failure leads nowhere, but a small win leads to something meaningful.”

In other words, if you aim too big too soon, it won’t stick.

So, my advice?

If you want to work out every day for an hour, aim for 30 minutes four times a week. If you think you can write 14 LinkedIn posts a week, aim for 4. You can always do more or change your lead measure later in the year, but the consistency is important early on.

Because remember:

We overestimate what we can do in a day, but underestimate what we can do in a year.

In 1994, Jeff was at a crossroads.

He’d recently been promoted to senior VP at an investment bank (the youngest in the firm's history), and was earning handsomely.

But something gnawed at him:

The internet was growing 2,000% a year, and he couldn’t stop thinking about quitting to start a virtual bookstore.

So he ran the idea by his boss.

“Sounds like an amazing idea”, his boss said, “...if you had nothing to lose. But risking senior VP?”

He gave Jeff 48 hours to decide. To avoid making the decision on a whim, Jeff went home and created a framework to guide his thinking:

🥅 “The regret minimization formula”

The idea’s simple: Project yourself forward to when you’re 80, and think, “Which decision would I regret least?” 

Suddenly, Jeff’s choice was obvious. He left his firm, started Amazon, and now, 30 years later, Jeff Bezos is the world’s 3rd richest man. 

Of course, not every decision turns us into billionaires, but this framework's still useful: figure out what you'd regret most later, and do something about it right now.

The only question is....what *will* you regret in the future?

Luckily, author Daniel Pink has some clues.

In his research for The Power of Regret, Pink asked 19,000 people around the world what they regretted most.

And to Pink’s surprise, all of them basically said the same four things:

1) “I didn’t put in the work.”

Pink calls these foundation regrets, and they're exactly what they sound like: regrets about neglecting basic, foundational things — like your health, finances, or relationships.

Maybe you didn’t save money when you could’ve. Maybe you skipped workouts or kept putting off sleep. These regrets hurt because deep down you know you could've avoided them.

The fix here isn't complicated: Step back, reprioritize, and get the basics right again.

2) “I was too scared.”

These are regrets about playing it safe when you had the chance to take a risk. Bezos’s decision fits this, but they can be smaller things too. Like approaching someone interesting, speaking up in meetings, or trying a hobby that scares you.

They sting because you'll never know what might've happened. And usually, the real 'risk' was smaller than it felt at the time.

A practical fix? Treat courage like a muscle. Train it. Write down things you want to try but haven't because they scare you. Start with the small ones.

3) “That didn’t feel right.”

Your boss leaves the room, and you criticize him behind his back. How do you feel afterward?

That's moral regret.

To avoid this: Boundaries!

Make clear “I don’t” rules. e.g., I don’t gossip behind backs. I don’t accept jobs purely for money. I don’t work for companies making people's lives worse.

4) “I should’ve reached out.”

You know you should message a friend but don’t, afraid it’ll feel awkward. Gradually, the relationship fades. That’s connection regret — the one I’m trying to work on.

My framework: If you think of someone, reach out. If a random memory with someone pops in your head and makes you smile, text them!

🤔 What if I let myself be happier?

Bronnie Ware was a nurse who cared for people on their deathbeds. The biggest regret she heard repeatedly? “I wish I’d let myself be happier.”

Notice how they phrased it — "let myself." We tend to think happiness is something we'll finally earn after we hit a random future milestone: after a promotion, after the next job, after some $ number.

So we postpone it, or worse, sabotage it daily by getting annoyed over things we'll soon forget.

But in doing so, it’s easy to forget that happiness is something you allow yourself now.

And maybe that's the real takeaway here:

If you already know what you'll regret later, why not do something about it?

Back in the day, choosing a career was pretty simple.

You didn’t.

You did what your family did, or did the one job available in town. People rarely switched careers because, well, there weren't really any careers to switch to.

And "career satisfaction" wasn’t even a thing. You worked to feed your family, end of story. (Our ancestors stuck with their jobs so long, they literally became their surnames: The Smiths, Fishers, Masons.)

It sounds horrible, but the irony is…

They were probably more ‘satisfied’ with their jobs than we are!

Fast forward to the present, and look at the sheer number of jobs available now:

You can be a teacher, a content creator, an influencer, a business owner, a self-taught programmer specializing in one of 20 programming languages…

Plus, the dizzying number of education options - from coding bootcamps, to career change schools, to part time MBAs and ‘externships’…

The result of all this choice?

We constantly second-guess ourselves, we can’t relax & commit to one career, and we’re left with a gnawing sense of FOMO: Did I make the right choice?

I see this all the time in emails from readers. Here's one example (paraphrased):

"I’m stuck. I could stay at my current company and get promoted in two years, but I'm feeling bored. Maybe I should join a startup for excitement? Or switch careers entirely and learn programming? Or just move to another stable corporate role for a change?"

Ultimately:

More choices lead to more uncertainty.

It's a real problem. Today, let's explore a few ideas that might help.

🥅 Define the goal posts

More choices lead to uncertainty because you’re trying to pick the “best” option… without a definition of “best.” Or worse: you’re using someone else’s definition of best (status, prestige, what sounds impressive, what your parents would pick, etc).

So before you decide any big career decision, set 3 goalposts — based on you:

1. What are you actually good at? (the thing people rely on you for)
2. What do you want more of in 2026? (pick one, not ten)
3. What are you not willing to sacrifice? (one line)

If you want to get this right, do the Coached Impact Assessment. It takes only ~20 minutes, and you’ll get a breakdown of what you’re good at, what tends to get you stuck, and the kinds of roles/environments you thrive in — so you can move in a direction that actually fits you.

We built it with psychologists and career coaches, and the most common reply we get is some version of: “this explained everything.” Worth doing if you’re stuck wondering if you’ve been making the right career moves.

📈 Progress >> inaction

When faced with a decision, we tend to freeze up, and agonize over picking the right fork in the road. 

A better solution?

Start taking action down one path. Usually you can change your mind later anyway - choices aren’t always as permanent as we think they are. 

After all, what’s better: trying to figure out the best option for 6 months from the sidelines, or taking 3 months to try out each one? (The latter!)

Here’s a practical takeaway:

Instead of debating in your head for weeks, spend the next two weeks taking one small step down a path you’re curious about. For instance, if you’re unsure whether to focus on project management or data analytics next year, carve out two afternoons to try a short online tutorial in analytics. See how it feels.

Understanding whether you feel in control of your outcomes or at the mercy of external forces makes a huge difference. The Locus of Control Test reveals how you view your ability to influence your career path. For a comprehensive look at your decision-making patterns and career strengths, the Coached Impact Assessment offers personalized insights in just 15 minutes.

Movement beats endless overthinking.

🖐️ The "5/5/5" rule

Smoked salmon vs. cream cheese? Java or Python? Should I marry Jane or Rachel? When faced with decisions big and small, I like the 5/5/5 rule:

Will this matter in 5 days? 5 months? Or 5 years? 

This might help you understand the real weight of the decision and make it easier to choose. Often, many decisions we’re ‘stuck’ on won’t even matter in a few months, much less a few days. Recognizing that takes the pressure off.

🥲 Counteract FOMO with JOMO

Instead of the Fear Of Missing Out, embrace the Joy Of Missing Out: 

The liberating feeling that by choosing one path, you're freeing yourself from the negatives of the other paths.

Put a tad more… visually: the grass isn’t always greener on the other side – sometimes it’s dry, unkempt, and covered in dog poop.

An example:

If you choose a stable path inside your company (maybe focusing on building a reputation in your current department), you’re avoiding the uncertainty and stress that might come from hopping to a totally different role somewhere else.

When decision-making feels overwhelming, it's often because stress is clouding your judgment. The Perceived Stress Test can help you understand whether stress levels are affecting your ability to think clearly and make confident choices.

🎲 Lower the stakes

We often get stuck by viewing career decisions as enormous, irreversible leaps.

A smarter approach is to run smaller, low-stakes experiments first. This way, you can gather information to make a more informed choice without needing to fully commit.

Say you’re thinking about switching careers into software design. But you’re not sure you’re going to love it.

Instead of being watching a bunch of interviews about it, a low-stakes experiment you could run is to do a freelance design project. Sign up as a freelancer on platforms like Fiverr or Upwork, and do a small 10-hour project at a low entry-level rate. You'll deal with real clients, real deadlines, real problems and get a much clearer picture than you would otherwise.

🧊  You don’t make the right decision…

Here’s a quote I love: “You don’t make the right decision, you make the decision right.” 

It sounds weird, but it’s freeing. If there’s no “perfect decision”, then you’re free to pick either and make the best you can of it.

If you enjoyed this, forward it to a pal or colleague who’s thinking about their career or their next move — they might enjoy it too. Or, please reply if you have feedback. I’m not a robot, and I read each one. It’s motivating.

And if you missed it above — If you’re stuck on something in your career right now, do our Coached test — it’ll give you a clear readout of your strengths, blind spots, and the kinds of roles/environments you’re likely to thrive in → Get your Impact Assessment.

One of the best parts of writing this newsletter is the replies. People send all kinds of stuff — nice messages, career wins, questions they're wrestling with. I try to address them when I can, either by replying or working them into future essays.

But there's an interesting pattern I see a lot in questions I get:

A lot of people are not really asking for advice. They're asking for permission to do what they already know they should do.

For example:

"I hate my job, my boss is toxic, and it's affecting my mental health. I’m not sure what to do. Help?"
→ Answer: Look for another job

“I REALLY want to start a side hustle, but I don’t feel I have the time. What should I do?”
→ Answer: Make time for the side hustle.

“I want to grow my network on LinkedIn, but I don’t know what to post about. What can I do?”
→ Answer: Write what you know about and love.
(oh and side note, optimize your LinkedIn first using this free tool)

The answers are often surprisingly simple. If a friend came to you with these problems, you'd tell them the answer immediately. So why do we struggle to tell ourselves the same thing?

🧿 The Trust Issue

I used to do this constantly. For every decision — even small ones — I'd ask everyone for their opinion. But looking back, I knew what felt right each time.

When we ask these questions, we usually already know the answer. We just want someone else to confirm it because:

We don't trust our own judgment.

It’s a big problem.

If we need other people to make decisions for us, are we ever really in charge of our careers?

Worse, when we're always looking for input from others, we often end up stuck. You ask one person, then another, then another... get conflicting opinions, and end up more confused than when you started.

What should you do instead?

👥 The Friend Test

We're great at solving other people's problems. But terrible at solving our own.

This is actually well-documented — it's called the Solomon Paradox: we give wiser advice when we have distance from the situation.

The solution:

Pretend that your best friend’s in the situation that you’re in. What advice would you give them? Your ideas will probably be bang on.

(Try this now so you remember this technique: What's something you're stuck on? If your friend came to you with the same thing, what would you tell them?)

👨🏻‍🏫 Act as your own mentor

Putting yourself in the shoes of a mentor can often be much more insightful than asking the mentor themselves.

Here's what I mean. Pick someone whose thinking you admire — could be a past manager, a podcaster you respect, a famous founder, your wise grandmother, whoever. Now ask yourself: if I brought this problem to them, what would they tell me?

You'll probably have a decent answer with that simple question. You've absorbed more of their thinking than you realize.

But there's a way to make this even better: use AI.

I do this a ton. If I wanted to ask Jeff Bezos a question, I can just upload a bunch of his writing (i.e. he wrote a lot of shareholder letters as CEO of Amazon) to ChatGPT, and ask: “Based on how you think, what would you tell me to focus on?”

The answers are ridiculously specific. You can upload books, podcast transcripts, and even YouTube videos (on Gemini), and ask questions as if the author is coaching you directly.

🥷🏿 YOU are the expert

Why do we turn to others for answers?

Because we assume they know something we don't. And sometimes that's true—your doctor knows more about medicine, your mechanic knows more about cars.

But when it comes to your own life and career, you're the one with the full picture. You know your situation, your goals, your fears, what you actually want.

Even your best mentors are working with incomplete information. They're giving advice based on what you've told them, filtered through their own experiences.

You are the expert on your own life. Trust that.

🫀 Trust (and train) your gut

Gut instincts are usually right.

Why? They're not coming from your conscious mind with its limited processing power. They're coming from your subconscious, which draws on everything you've ever experienced, and pattern-matching you're not even aware of.

So ask yourself: what does my gut say? What feels right, even if it scares me a bit?

That last part is key. Often what we interpret as fear is actually our gut pushing us toward growth.

And trusting your gut is like a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

🙋 So should I never ask for help?

Not at all! Definitely ask for help. Getting input is valuable, especially for big decisions. Multiple perspectives will broaden your thinking.

But use advice to supplement your judgment, not replace it.

The more we outsource decisions to others, the weaker our own judgment becomes. We start needing permission for things we're perfectly capable of deciding ourselves.

And most of the time, we already know the answer. All we're missing is the courage to act.

I hope that gives you a toolkit to handle pretty much any decision you’re faced with. And that you got a few laughs along the way.

In 1926, a guy called Arnold Bennett wrote a pamphlet to help people make the most out of their careers and lives. 

He called it,

“How to Live on 24 Hours a Day.”

The gist:

Most people come home from work, collapse on the sofa, watch a little television, eat a meal… and then say, “By George! Is that time for bed already?” So they go to bed, wake up tired, and arrive unenthusiastically at work the next day.

For these people, evenings and weekends fly by, and their entire life seems to revolve around just one thing:

Work.

Bennet’s solution?

Make the most out of your time outside of work. 

Because ironically, the more productive your leisure time, the more energised and creative you’ll feel when working.

Sounds weird, but I’m with him 100%.

When I waste time watching Netflix or scrolling through socials, I always feel more “meh” about work the next day.

So, in today’s edition of Coached…

Let me tell you why we're all feeling a bit... dead inside.

🧬 Science lesson: you NEED creativity to be happy

Creativity - the act of making new things, trying new approaches - literally makes us happy. It triggers dopamine, that feel-good chemical in our brains.

There's even a theory that creativity is what made us human - it's what separates us from chimps.

Is that baloney? I'm not a biologist, so can't say either way.

But look at human history. We've always been creators: fires, huts, shelters, weapons, tools, clothes, jokes, stories, cave drawings, paintings, recipes, words, ideas and businesses.

Whether it's 10,000 BC or 2024, it doesn't matter - humans create.

But here's our modern problem:

Instead of creating, we spend most of our time CONSUMING. Netflix. Instagram. Twitter/X. YouTube.

And at work? We're stuck in routines. Same meetings, same tasks, same problems, day after day.

Zero creativity.

No wonder we feel... blah.

So…

How do we inject this "creativity" back into our lives?

🧠 CREATE.

(duh)

But let me clarify — the goal is to do something that you do NOT already do. It’s about forcing your brain to think outside the box.

Stuff like this works that creativity muscle - and literally makes you feel better.

A lot of people also confuse creativity with being artsy — but creativity is just about thinking differently. Trying NEW approaches. Breaking routines. At work, but also outside of work.

🤹 Here's what's working for me

For a while now, I've been doing what I’m calling now as "creativity workouts" - basically, COMMITTING to doing something creative every week. Some examples…

For work:

• Writing career advice from a fresh, playful angle (like the essay I wrote on "how to win at work while being LAZY" - read it here if you missed it, a lot of people liked it!)
• Writing the occasional ‘funny’ content on LinkedIn, instead of only serious career advice, like this
• Doing stand up comedy - I wrote about what I learned from stand-up here (you might enjoy it!)

What do you notice?

None of these were "urgent" or even "important". The point is working that creativity muscle and giving our brain what it craves!

And stuff like this seems to work. It might be placebo, it might be the dopamine, who knows — but I feel recharged every time I work on one of these kinds of tasks.

You can also do this outside of work. I’d also experiment with things like these:

• Trying a totally new workout or new machines/exercises at the gym I’ve never done before
• Listening to podcast categories I usually skip

💭 Some ideas for you

Feel free to steal any of mine above. And here are some more low-frills ones:

• Spend a few hours revamping that presentation deck template you always use
• Write an essay to your future self
• Write out your elevator pitch
• Come up with a new recipe
• Rearrange a room or desk
• Write a short LinkedIn post about a random topic you like - fashion, history,

(And, if you're posting on LinkedIn, make sure your profile clearly represents you—people who read your posts will inevitably check you out. First impressions matter. Use this quick tool from Resume Worded to optimize your LinkedIn profile. Takes 30 seconds. Check it out here.

Start small! The important thing is to make creativity a habit.

And remember, they don’t need to be important. Your goal is to work that creativity muscle that goes so unused in almost all corporate jobs today.

🧭 This stuff works (and makes you BETTER at work)

A cool example of someone who practiced creativity is Oren Klaff.

Klaff’s one of the most successful dealmakers of all time, making more than $2 billion dollars (that’s billion, with a “B”) worth of deals single-handedly, competing on his own against the biggest investment banks on the planet.

On a podcast, he mentioned one of his “secret” weapons that transformed his deal-making skills.

You know what it was?

It wasn’t hard work…

Or “networking”...

It was classes in improv comedy!

Improv forced him to be creative and “get loose”, which helped him think on his feet and be more engaging in his deals.

This also connects to something I've noticed again and again:

The most valuable careers aren't built on being world-class at one single skill — they're built on combining skills that rarely go together.

People assume career growth means becoming deeply specialized. But you don't need to become the world's leading expert in one field to stand out. You can combine multiple interests instead.

Practically, this means following your curiosity even if it seems unrelated to your job:

• If you like consumer psychology, read that psych paper that caught your eye — it won't be a waste of time. It might just shift how you approach feature design.
• Fascinated by stand-up comedy? Learn joke-writing techniques — it might make your sales demos far more persuasive.

You can't predict exactly how different interests will overlap. But they almost always do, in surprising, valuable ways. And the more unusual your skill combo, the more unique your career becomes.

📌 To wrap up…

Here's what I've learned:

The happiest people aren't the ones with the perfect jobs.

They're the ones who never stopped creating.

Even if it's just for fun.

Especially if it's just for fun.

So tonight, when you're about to collapse on that sofa (like our friend from 1926)...

Try creating something instead.

Anything. Just make it new.

Your brain will thank you.

What’s your creativity workout going to be?

When Emily was small, she had a stuttering problem.

A huge stuttering problem.

It was so bad, she got bullied because she couldn’t hold basic conversations.

Another child, Ed, struggled with the same thing.

A self-described ‘weird’ kid, his stuttering problem was just one of many reasons he didn’t fit in.

And yet, despite their struggles (or maybe, because of their struggles) both Emily and Ed are doing just fine in their careers today.

In Emily’s case, a teacher suggested that being in the school play might help.

And it did.

As Emily recited the lines over and over, her stuttering gradually went away, so she fell in love with acting.

And in 2006, Emily - Emily Blunt - got her breakthrough as Meryl Streep’s secretary in The Devil Wears Prada.

What about Ed?

He got a hold of a rap album, memorized the lyrics of all the songs, and practiced rapping them until he could sing them without a single stutter.

And nowadays…

Well, you might’ve heard of him:

That was Ed Sheeran.

Emily Blunt and Ed Sheeran are just two examples of people who built world-class careers by facing the things that held them back. They turned their ‘dis-advantage’ into an ‘unfair advantage’.

So, how can you do the same in your career? Is there something that you think is holding you back?

Let’s dive in…

🧭 Use fear as a compass

Standard career advice for Emily & Ed would’ve been, “If you’re not good with your voice, learn to write instead! Build on your strengths!”

IMO, that’s wrong. We should be moving towards fears, not away from them.

So ask yourself: what’s the one thing you’ve been avoiding?

Public speaking? Leadership roles? Speaking up at meetings?

Sometimes, the thing that scares us is the thing we should be doing.

(P.S. Reply back with the thing that you are avoiding, or want to get better at — I’ll cover it in a future email)

🗣 Get harsh feedback from others

Sometimes, we don’t know what’s holding us back, so we need others to tell us.

But kinda like how people stay quiet when there’s something stuck in your teeth, most people won’t tell you what you need to hear.

Instead of family & friends (who don’t want to hurt your feelings), ask people who won’t mince their words, or even people who don’t like you.

“Hey, I’m sure there’s loads of things I’m doing wrong. What’s one thing you think I need to work on?”

If they clam up or seem hesitant, guide them a bit. “Do you think I could improve how I communicate in meetings?”

🔬 The Competence Trap

You know what's funny about getting "good enough" at something?

That's usually when people stop improving.

The presentation goes okay? Back to comfort zone.

The project didn't fail? Must be fine.

The feedback wasn't terrible? Good enough.

But here's what I've noticed about people who've had meteoric careers:

They're most aggressive about improving when they're already decent at something.

Think about it:

Emily didn't stop at just managing her stutter. She pushed until she became one of Hollywood's most sought-after actresses.

Ed didn't settle for just rapping clearly. He kept going until he could command stadiums.

"Good enough" is where most careers plateau. It's also where the biggest opportunities hide.

=> Look at your current role: What are you just "decent" at? That might be exactly where you need to double down.

📝 Spell out the plan

Once you’ve identified one key area as a weakness, or something to improve, let’s create a plan to overcome them.

Remember: weaknesses don’t go away on their own. We tend to avoid them, which makes them worse.

So you need a sorta simple plan for overcoming them. A good way to do that is with daily, weekly or monthly habits.

Be specific.

Don't just say, “I need to get more comfortable with public speaking.” Say:

• "For a month, I'll record a 2-minute video of myself weekly explaining a work topic and watch it back"
• “I’m going to go to Toastmasters every Thursday at 7pm.”

🔬 Set micro-goals

While it's good to have an end vision (e.g., “I want to be a confident public speaker”), chunk it down into smaller, achievable tasks. Like, “This week, I’ll voice my opinion at least once in every team meeting.”

Or, next week, ask your manager if you can lead a couple of meetings. Even if it's a short, daily 15-minute standup meeting.

Or say you want to become more technical - start with: "This week, I'll spend 20 minutes each morning asking ChatGPT for an SQL challenge and solving it with it." Or "Each week, I'll analyze one chart from our company dashboard".

We have some massive misconceptions about what drives career success.

Most of them? They come from what we learned in school.

And here's the thing:

These "lessons" aren't just unhelpful - they're actively holding us back.

(Want proof? When psychologist Lewis Terman tracked 1,400 "genius" students' careers, most ended up pretty average. Meanwhile, two students he rejected for "low IQs" went on to win Nobel prizes.)

Because the fact of the matter is…

School success doesn’t equal career success.

So today, I want to share 6 career-killing lessons we learned in school that we should unlearn if we want to have stellar careers.

Number one:

❌ “Mistakes, bad!”

You put a bunch of wrong answers in a maths test, and it gets handed back to you with an, “F”. 

What school tells us:

“Mistakes are bad.”

The reality:

Mistakes are the only way you learn (and reach success)! Often, mistakes aren’t only not to be avoided, but must be actively sought to make progress.

Part of why we get so crushed when we mess up at work? It's because "failure = bad" has been drilled into us since we were kids.

Here's what you need to internalize instead: Every failure is a data point. Every setback is growth. The faster you fail, the faster you learn.

And on a related note…

😵 Struggle is actually GOOD

Here's something wild: Often, it's the "perfect" students who struggle most in their careers.

Why?

Because they've often never failed. Never faced rejection. Never had to pick themselves up after a real setback.

They've mastered getting A's. But they've never learned how to bounce back from F's. And that’s probably the #1 career skill.

Even NVIDIA's CEO tells Stanford students he wishes them "pain and suffering" - because that's what builds the resilience you need in the real world.

The takeaway? Struggling = building the resilience that school never taught you.

🤓 Mr. Know-it-all ain’t Mr. Win-it-all

When Henry Ford was called "ignorant" in a newspaper, he sued. In court, lawyers tried proving it by firing trivia questions at him.

Ford's response? "If I need to know something, I press a button and get an expert to tell me. Why clutter my mind with things that don't matter to my business?"

See, school taught us expertise means knowing all the answers.

But in your career? Expertise is knowing which questions to ask, and who to ask them to.

Because career success isn’t a general knowledge quiz. Far more important are vision, original thinking and the ability to ask great questions.

The key takeaway for you: Get better at asking the right questions. This is also probably the #1 skill to get better at with AI too - AI (like a ChatGPT) is only as good as the prompts or questions you give it.

↔ The opposite of a good idea might be a good idea

This might sound obvious, but it's something even senior managers get wrong:

There is no single "right" answer.

In fact, sometimes complete opposites can work brilliantly:

Some leaders succeed by being hands-on with their team. Others win by stepping back completely.

Some products thrive on premium pricing. Others dominate by being the cheapest option.

A fun example:

Take Avis, the car rental company. Every company claims to be #1 in their ads. But Avis? They took the opposite approach: "We're #2. We try harder."

It’s one of the best performing marketing campaigns of that era.

The key takeaway: As you progress in your career, remember this - “the opposite of a good idea can also be a good idea” (shout out to legendary marketing exec Rory Sutherland for that quote). There's rarely one "right" way (and don’t listen to people who say their way is the only way).

⏳ Don’t play the ‘short game’

In school, everything's short-term. You study for an exam, take it, get your grade in a week. Do a 6-month coursework, get your results at year-end.

But in life?

The most valuable work often takes years to bear fruit - with little feedback along the way.

Like when:

• A mentor you've known for years puts your name forward for a leadership role
• An old client brings you in to lead a high-profile project
• Your reputation lands you a coveted speaking slot at an industry conference
• Someone you helped five years ago becomes CEO and remembers your kindness

School trains you to expect quick results. But the biggest career wins? They come from playing the long game.

The key takeaway: Stop expecting quick wins like school trained you for. The best career moves are often invisible for years before they pay off.

📋 "Follow the rules!"

In school, you win by following instructions. Remember that kid in class who always colored inside the lines? Who never deviated from the textbook answer? They probably got straight A's.

But in your career? The biggest breakthroughs often come from questioning "how things are done."

Maybe it's finding a better way to run team meetings. Or discovering a more efficient approach to project planning. Or developing a new way to handle client relationships.

The point isn't to break rules for the sake of it. It's about recognizing when the old way isn't the best way.

The key takeaway: Sometimes the best solution comes from ignoring "how things are done" and asking "how could things be done?"

In The Lord of the Rings, there’s a creature called “Gollum” who has two personalities: 

An “evil” version (called Gollum), who will stop at nothing to get the Ring, and a “good” version (called Smeagol), who wants to be free from the Ring’s power, and live a normal life. In the movie, you see the two battling it out in pretty dramatic fashion.

(fwiw I was going to put a picture of Gollum here but why traumatize you?)

Now…I know this is gonna sound a little weird…

We all have our own "Gollum" when it comes to our careers.

We have a “good” voice inside us…that pushes us to apply for challenging jobs, send out cold emails, publish Linkedin content, go for promotions and set boundaries.

And then there’s the “evil” voice… which whispers things like:

• 😈 Why on Earth would anyone want to hire you?
• 😈 You don’t deserve a raise so why ask? 
• 😈 No one’s gonna read your content, it’s so cringe!
• 😈 You’re only gonna fail miserably and look stupid - what’s the point in applying?

And imo?

The extent to which you ignore or defeat this negative voice determines how satisfying and successful your career becomes.

So, how do we defeat our inner Gollum?

Here’s a few thoughts.

🥷🏿 Recognize it's not really you

It helps to think of these negative thoughts as something separate from yourself. They aren’t "true." They’re just self-critical thoughts that pop into your head. You don’t need to understand exactly where they come from to acknowledge they're not helping you.

There’s an old saying: "Everyone has two wolves fighting inside them. One is good, one is bad. Which wolf wins? The one you feed."

In other words, give attention and credibility only to the thoughts that encourage you.

〰 Notice the negativity clearly

We can’t defeat what we don’t notice. The tricky thing is, negative thoughts can disguise themselves as practical or even helpful advice:

You might say, "I'm just being realistic," when, in reality, it’s your inner “Gollum” trying to hold you back.

Or, say your goal is to speak up more in meetings: When you get a chance to speak up, a thought might pop up like, “Maybe I should wait until I’m more prepared.” Sounds fair. Or is it?

If these thoughts go against your goals, they're probably your inner Gollum talking.

If your intention is to become more sociable and network more, thoughts like:

• 😈 “They’re just gonna reject me.”
• 😈 “He’s gonna think I’m desperate.”
• 😈 “Uhhh, this is such a stupid idea.”

… are clearly negative and unhelpful.

Start consciously noticing these thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking negatively, pause and label it clearly: "That’s my Gollum talking."

Then, once you recognize the bad thoughts…

🙅‍♂️ Call it out as a lie (out loud)

Noticing the negative thoughts isn't enough. You have to explicitly call them out. Whenever you catch your Gollum whispering doubts, simply say out loud

“That’s a lie.” 

(Because it is). 

Repeat this throughout the day, 10, 20, 30 times. Keep a notebook, perhaps, and put a tally mark everytime you say it. Try to root out 5 lies in your thinking per day.

Then…

🤛🏻 Counter with evidence

Negative thoughts often rely on sweeping generalizations, like "I ALWAYS mess up presentations." Or "I’m NEVER going to get hired."

Here’s what I do.

Say I’m struggling to write one of these emails (happens way too often). My “Gollum” might say, “This essay sucks” or “ugggh is anyone even gonna read this.”

Lies! Just because I struggle to write one email doesn’t mean “I can’t write to save myself."

Then, I’ll try to counter with some evidence by thinking of good emails I DID write, then maybe read through nice replies/reviews. This way, I’m not just calling out lies, I’m feeding the good.

My recommendation is to do the same. Keep a "brag doc". Save emails where people say good things about you. Or write down your wins somewhere. When your inner Gollum starts lying, pull out that doc and remind yourself that you’ve done it before — it really does work.

If you're curious about how much your inner critic is actually holding you back, the Impostor Syndrome Test can help you understand whether self-doubt is playing an outsized role in your career decisions. It's a research-backed assessment that measures the gap between your actual abilities and how you perceive them.

Even LeBron James does this — he watches his old basketball highlights whenever he hits a slump and needs to ‘find his game’:

🔜 Add “yet”.

A very simple counter-attack is the word “yet”.

“You can’t do this.”

→ “ I can’t do this yet.”

“I’ve got no idea what to do.”

→ “I don’t know what to do yet.”

Don’t dismiss it. This tiny three-letter word is the difference between feeding the good wolf and feeding the bad.

It's also a great way to reframe failures as lessons. Instead of "That presentation was a disaster," try "That presentation didn't go as planned, but now I know how to better prep next time."

🐝 You're in good company

Even Beyoncé, who commands massive stages effortlessly, described herself as naturally shy and introverted.

So how does she do it? She created an alter ego, Sasha Fierce. When she needs to perform, she "becomes" Sasha Fierce - her confident, fearless self. She basically says, "Alright, inner Gollum, BYE! Sasha's got this."

You can do the same. Identify one or two traits you admire but struggle to embody. Actually name it. Imagine what they'd do in your situation.

• Would Badass Barbara second-guess her ideas in that meeting?
• Would Confident Carl hesitate to ask for that raise?

It might feel weird at first, but there’s science that backs it up too. I wrote more about alter-egos here.

🫵 The only enemy you have to defeat

It’s easy to believe the main battles in our careers are external — with bosses, colleagues, or clients. But as the old African proverb says,

“When there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do us no harm.”

Understanding your baseline confidence levels can be incredibly valuable. The Self-Esteem Scale gives you a clear picture of how you view yourself, which is the first step in building a stronger foundation.

And if you want a broader view of your professional strengths and development areas, try the Coached Impact Assessment — it's a 15-minute deep dive that many find eye-opening.

In the movie Coach Carter, the Richmond Oilers are getting destroyed in the basketball state championships. Coach Carter calls timeout and tears into his team:

“All season long, we played OUR game. Right now, you’re playing theirs! 

“When we step on the floor…we run the ball, we pressure the ball.. and most importantly, WE control the tempo of the game!!”

“WE make THEM play Richmond Oiler ball!”

The lesson?

You rarely win by playing other people’s games. You win by playing your own.

And this is exactly the problem introverts face at work. Everyone tells you to play the extrovert game - "Speak up!" "Work the room!" "Network aggressively!"

But I think that’s bad advice. Instead, you’d be much more successful (and more content) by learning to play your own “introvert game.”

(Because as author Susan Cain points out, there’s a reason why a huge number of CEOs are introverts.)

So how do you play the introvert game?

Here's my 2 cents:

〰 You don't need to be loud to have impact

The biggest lie introverts are told: if you're not speaking up constantly in meetings, you're not contributing.

Not true.

In meetings, everyone's busy talking. What's rare? Someone actually thinking through what's being said, seeing what's missing, and asking the question that changes the conversation.

I remember a famous cricket coach (maybe Kevin Pieterson’s?) who did this. 

Unlike most coaches, he didn’t feel the need to constantly provide input. Instead, he kept his mouth shut, studied the player, and only opened his mouth when he’d identified exactly what that player needed to do to improve. His words carried weight.

〰 Be the Signal, not the Noise.

The biggest lie introverts are told: if you're not speaking up constantly in meetings, you're not contributing.

Not true.

In meetings, everyone's busy talking. What's rare? Someone actually thinking through what's being said, seeing what's missing, and asking the question that changes the conversation.

I remember a famous cricket coach (maybe Kevin Pieterson’s?) who did this. 

Unlike most coaches, he didn’t feel the need to constantly provide input. Instead, he kept his mouth shut, studied the player, and only opened his mouth when he’d identified exactly what that player needed to do to improve. His words carried weight.

And here's a concrete way to use this:

✍️ Own the post-meeting follow-up

This is gold if you’re an introvert. After a meeting, send a summary email to everyone.

Early in your career, this looks like meeting notes - and yes, it might seem like a mundane task for junior employees. But it’s not about the task itself; it's about the influence it can garner. When you're the one documenting discussions, you have a unique position of visibility.

More senior? Do the same thing but position it differently. Instead of "meeting notes," frame it as "key decisions and next steps" or call it a "post-meeting synthesis." It’s not note-taking - you're driving clarity.

And here's my hack: include a section titled "Possible talking points we didn't get to" or “Open questions to consider.”This is where you insert your own ideas, ones you might not have voiced or that weren't addressed in the meeting.

It’s a mega effective way to drop your own ideas to senior leadership, and make your ideas part of the conversation. Plus, your email will likely be constantly referenced back to or forwarded around (more visibility for you!).

🌐 Build your presence online

You don't need to brag about your work in person. Build authority online instead.

Share what you've learned on LinkedIn. Write a newsletter. Do this consistently and opportunities start finding you instead of you chasing them.

Writing (which introverts often excel at) scales better than any networking event. One post can reach hundreds of people. One article can establish credibility.

Speaking of LinkedIn - optimizing your profile is the first step. That's usually what people see first when they look you up. Use this free tool and it’ll show you exactly what to fix.

(It’s Resume Worded’s tool — but it’s by far the best thing out there for optimizing LinkedIn profiles).

Also become an authority on internal channels like Slack. And volunteer to write internal documentation for your company, or start a company blog. It makes everyone's life easier and gets your name everywhere.

🤖 Something's shifted…

For the longest time, getting things done at work meant needing other people constantly.

Want to draft a proposal? You need input from three teammates. Want to analyze some data? Ask the analytics person. Need to research something? Schedule time with someone who knows.

Everything required coordination. Meetings. Explaining what you need. Following up.

That's exhausting if you're introverted.

What's changed: You can now do a lot of that yourself with AI. Draft the proposal. Run the analysis. Do the research. Then share it and get feedback.

You're still collaborating - but you're spending less energy on the coordination parts and more on actually doing the work.

The skills that matter: thinking clearly, writing well, knowing what good looks like. All things introverts tend to be decent at.

If you identify as being an introvert, I’d lean more into AI. In a year or two, it’ll likely multiply your output substantially.

By the way, about playing the introvert game:

Knowing you're an introvert is step one. Understanding HOW you specifically operate as one is different.

Some introverts recharge by being completely alone. Others just need low-key environments. Some drain fast in meetings, others can handle them with enough prep time. Your version matters.

We built a 20-minute assessment with PhDs and career coaches that reveals your actual patterns - what drains you, what energizes you, how you make decisions, the beliefs shaping how you work.

It's not generic personality test bullsh*t where every result could apply to anyone. This tells you how YOU specifically operate.

If you haven’t tried it yet, you really should. Right now it's free, but not for much longer. We've been eating the costs while it's in beta. Tests like this normally run $100+.

Takes less time than your commute (unless you work from home). Try the Coached Impact Assessment now - if the link doesn’t open, go to coached.com/quiz.

When you meet new people and tell them about your story, you probably feel you should hide the messy parts.

The career gap. The stuff that makes you not ‘perfect’. The weird background.

But THAT’s what makes you interesting.

Think about your favorite podcaster or personality. Why do you tune in? They’re different.

They LEAN INTO what makes them unusual instead of trying to sound perfect.

You should do the same.

If you're a stay-at-home mom returning to work, don't try to hide it. Lean in. It's what makes you even more interesting:

"I took a few years off to focus on raising my kids, and it was incredibly rewarding. But as they grew, I missed the challenge of my career. So I pivoted into marketing, blending my creativity with newfound strategic skills. It's been an exciting journey of rediscovery."

WAY more memorable.

Maybe you’ve had an unconventional career path:

"I was a barista for five years. You learn fast how to handle pressure when people are angry and haven't had their coffee yet. Those skills transferred surprisingly well to client management. Now, I’m…"

Much better.

Some interesting tidbits you could weave into your story:

• Your weird side-project: "My day job’s at a startup but lately I’ve been OBSESSED with building this random app..."
  
• A personal challenge you've overcome: "I was sidelined for over a year because of [e.g. major injury], but I’ve got a whole new take on life and I’ve been trying to make a name of myself as an [agent]..."
  
• Countries or cities you've lived in: "About me, well, I've called three continents home which is why I think I’m always obsessed with new experiences and trying so many different industries..."
  
• Non-linear jump: “I actually walked away from [the safe path] to run a scrappy [thing]; the paycut was whatever but GOD I love it!”
  
• An unusual hobby: "When I'm not crunching numbers, I'm usually rock climbing..."
  
• A volunteer experience: "I spend my weekends doing..."
  
• An unexpected skill: "My theater background surprisingly comes in handy in board meetings..."

Everyone has a story. The key is finding the parts that make yours stand out.

Your exercise today

To help you craft the perfect micro-story, write down a few of the most interesting or unusual things about your career journey so far. Think…what’s weird about me?

And when you have them:

Send me one or two of them by replying to this email. I’d love to learn a little bit more about our readers plus you’ll get elements of your intro story ready for the next time you meet someone new. Win-win!

By the way, speaking of figuring out your story:

One thing that actually helps is understanding your patterns - what drives you, how you work, the beliefs you carry around without realizing.

Two months ago, we built a 20-minute assessment with PhDs and career coaches that reveals this stuff. Your actual work patterns, what motivates you, the hidden beliefs shaping your decisions.

It's like a personality test, but not the horoscope bullsh*t where every result could apply to anyone. This is specific to how you actually operate at work.

People who've taken it keep saying things like "this explained everything" and "I wish I had this years ago."

If you haven’t tried it yet, you really should. Right now it's free, but not for much longer. We've been eating the costs while it's in beta. Tests like this normally run $100+.

Takes less time than your commute (unless you work from home). Try the Coached Impact Assessment now - if the link doesn’t open, go to coached.com/quiz.

Credibility is about being trusted and seen as good at your job. It's what makes people believe in you, listen to you, and follow your lead.

I like to say credibility is your professional “currency.”

The more credibility you have, the more trust people put in you. That means you get to do more important work, lead bigger teams, and get promoted more often.

And when you have less credibility, it's tough to get your team to listen or agree with you, or seniors to trust you. It makes your job much harder.

The problem:

Some of the ways you can lose credibility are quite counter-intuitive.

So, to help you build a nest egg of credibility at work, here’s a few credibility “killers” we should be careful to avoid.

😕 “Does that make sense?”

I used to be really bad at this one!

When you’re giving a presentation and you see confused faces after delivering a lot of information, it’s tempting to say, “Does that make sense?”

But here’s the problem: 

It subtly hints that the problem is with your presentation (or presentation skills), which decreases your credibility. (Did Steve Jobs ask, “does that make sense?” while unveiling the iPhone? I doubt it.)

Use this instead: 

• Good: “Ok, that was a lot to take in there. Is there anything I can revisit?”

This small rephrase focuses on their questions, not your competence.

😕 BUT here's when hedging actually works

When you genuinely don't know something, being direct about it builds credibility.

Say you’re a CS person in a technical meeting: "I don't have an engineering background, so I may have not captured everything — but I've had three enterprise deals stall specifically because we can't do single sign-on. Is that something we could prioritize?”

You're acknowledging your knowledge gap while still contributing something useful.

The key: Be direct when you have conviction (like when giving a presentation). Be upfront when you don't.

😕 Underselling beats overselling every time

The biggest credibility killer with experts: exaggerating what you've done or what you know.

I've sat in meetings where someone pitches themselves as having "deep expertise" in an area, then says something that reveals they've barely scratched the surface. The expert in the room clocks it instantly, and that person's credibility is shot.

Here's the pattern I've noticed: People who are genuinely impressive rarely lead with their credentials. You find out later they sold a company or built something significant. People who aren't impressive do the opposite - they front-load all their achievements, name-drop constantly, and talk in superlatives.

🐺 Always crying “wolf”

Over-exaggerating problems will make you lose credibility at work.

For example:

If you’re a manager and you’re constantly telling your sales team that every potential deal is “make or break” for the company, you’re slowly etching away at your credibility. When a seriously large deal comes your team’s way, your attempts to rally support and resources won’t be taken seriously enough.

Similarly, if each time you run into an issue at work and bring it up in team meetings as a big deal, you’re gonna make a name for yourself as the person who makes mountains out of molehills.

Then, when something actually is really bad, you’re going to be the classic “boy who cried wolf”.

Of course, you might need to sometimes complain about, or exaggerate some things, to get what you want at work. But, always doing it is a credibility killer.

🔜 “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

There’s only one occasion when you can get away with saying this - when you’re actually going to do it tomorrow.

But every other time?

It’s a credibility-killer. 

Because when we promise people things we can’t deliver, it erodes their trust in us, and leaves our word worthless.

If you don’t know when you can get something done, resist the temptation to commit / people-please. Instead, say this:

• Good: “Sure, no problem. Let me take a look at my calendar, and I’ll let you know about a deadline”

📅 Stick to meeting commitments

I had a manager who was always late. Not just by 5 minutes, but often 20, 30, or he'd even miss meetings. Worse, he'd let his disregard spill over into the next meetings, often causing those to start late or run over too.

He was super senior, so I feel he thought he could get away with it.

And sure, no one in his team said anything. But we all had little respect for his word. Among us, he had no credibility => lower professional currency.

No matter how senior you are, don’t take people’s time for granted:

• If you’re going to be late, send a note in advance.
• If you’re running a meeting, stick to the time you scheduled in. If you need more time, explicitly ask if everyone can stay longer.

Your word matters (not just at work, but in life). Don’t get into the habit of not sticking to it.

🤐 “I’m not sure if I’m right, but…”

This is a sneaky one. Sometimes we use disclaimers like “I’m no expert, but…” or “I’m probably wrong here…” before we share an idea. It might seem polite, but it lowers your perceived confidence and authority — especially if you actually do know your stuff.

Likewise, self-deprecating lines like “I’m such a klutz at this” or “Aha I keep messing htis up, but…” can chip away at how seriously people take you. With friends or family, it might feel endearing; at work, people who don’t know well you might form the wrong impression of you.

• What it implies: “I don’t trust my own knowledge or perspective, so you shouldn’t either.”
• What to do instead: If you’re making a guess, say, “Here’s my take—feel free to poke holes in it.” That’s direct yet open to feedback, and it doesn’t undermine your own credibility.

⛓️ Barbed statements

“You never do anything right.” “Why do you never listen?” 

Everyone makes mistakes, and there’s gonna be times in our careers when we need to call people out. The problem here is getting carried away by our emotions, and making broad statements with words like never.

I call these statements “barbed”. Because like a barbed fish hook, once they go in, it’s very hard to get them out. 

Why are they dangerous?

Because statements like “why do you never listen?” are always false. People do listen. Just not all of the time. 

Remember, correct the action, not the colleague.

“Hey Rohan, met you a few years back at ABC Conference and I’m wanting to switch careers. Can you ping anything that might be suitable my way? Thanks!”

“Hello mate, I graduated from Harvard, and my resume is attached. I am looking for work in your field and hope you can be an employment contact.”

“Hey Rohan, can I pick your brain for 30 minutes? ”

🤦

These emails all have one thing in common: they'll get ignored or deleted.

Most people think networking is about reaching out to as many people as possible. Wrong. It's about not making these five mistakes that instantly kill your credibility.

🗡 Being a time vampire

The people you're contacting are busy/successful. That's probably WHY you want to connect with them in the first place.

Successful people didn't get there by giving away their time carelessly.

So, let’s not complain that these people won’t give away their time to us easily. 

=> Rule #1, respect their time.

Which means:

• Remove fluff
• No life stories (or keep them super short)
• And get to the point — be upfront about what you want

🌡️ Defuse the pressure

Whenever you’re communicating, you’re either increasing the pressure, or decreasing the pressure, based on whether you’re pushing your agenda or theirs.

For example:

• Bad: Hey Dave, I’m applying for an intern position this year, and wanted to ask you about the work culture at HSBC. When’s a good time to talk?

(High-pressure: it’s not about Dave, but the sender.)

• Good: Hey Dave, you must be really busy at this time of year, so I’ll keep this short. 
  
  I saw your article in Finance Weekly – really interesting read. I was wondering, as you’ve worked at both HSBC and Lloyds, which one would you pick if you were to start out again as an intern?

(Lower-pressure: it’s about Dave, not the sender).

=> Rule 2: Make it about them, not you.

Plus, here's an extra tip:

To increase your chances of a reply, make it REALLY easy for people to reply. I like to do this by asking a multiple choice question, I ask “what’d you do, A or B?”.

Take the second example above. We say,'HSBC or Lloyd's – which one would you choose?'This method gets more responses than something open-ended like“How is working at HSBC?”

🥺 Don’t be needy

Neediness repels people. It signals that you're taking more value than you're giving. An example:

"Hi Sarah, I’ve been following your career for a while and really admire your success at ABC News. I'm trying to break into media but haven't had much luck so far. I think you would really be able to help me get my foot in the door. I would be so eternally grateful if you could help me”

This screams desperation and would make any recipient feel uncomfortable. It also puts all the burden on them to solve your problems.

=> Rule #3: avoid all neediness.

Keep the tone of your emails casual. And don’t make huge asks. For example, you could do something like this in the P.S:

“P.S I know you must be super busy this time of year, so no need to respond. Thanks!”

That reduces the perceived neediness and shows respect for their time (Rule #1).

🧠 “Can I pick your brain?”

Ok, I’m going to sound salty here…but, seriously, this right here is a networking monstrosity. Don’t ever say this! It suggests to them that…

• the convo’s going to be vague and unstructured (thus likely a waste of time)
• you don’t even know what you want out of it (and you want them to figure it out)
• and there’s nothing in it for them (so even more of a waste of time).

So rule #4: make your ask clear. (No brain picking!)

🙏 Not sending a “thank you”

If someone goes out of their way to help you… thank them! 

Over the last 6 years I’ve spent writing these emails, I’ve replied to maybe 5000 people personally who ask for advice on their specific situation.

90% of the time, I don’t hear anything back. So if someone helps you, say thank you. You’ll automatically be in the top 10%.

And to be in the top 1%?

Send an update email to them after a few weeks saying how you actually took action on the advice.

This will make you stand out, and make them more likely to help you out the next time.

Also: A genuine thanks by email is often enough, but I’ve sent Starbucks or DoorDash gift cards to show I really mean the thank you too — it’s always been well received.

=> Rule 5: express your thanks

And let’s do one quick tip to finish:

💎 Add value where possible

The best networking emails offer something useful upfront. This could be:

• A relevant article they might find interesting
• An introduction to someone in your network
• A specific insight about their industry
• Information that helps them with their work

Or, you could even offer to share learnings from your conversation with them publicly. For example, you could post their opinion to LinkedIn, or talk about it in a presentation, or feature it in a writing assignment, or a newspaper article etc.

Example:

Hey Steve, I’d like to interview you and share what you have to say about X, Y and Z on my LinkedIn profile. I have a lot of people I’m connected with who are trying to become X, and I think your view on them will be super helpful to them.

That way, when you make your ask, there’s something in it for them too.

Introverts often struggle with confidence. You know what you're talking about, but you second-guess yourself in meetings. You have good ideas but hesitate to share them. You feel awkward in social situations at work.

Here's the thing about confidence: it's both a feeling and a set of behaviors. Confident people stand tall, speak slowly, and stay calm under pressure. But it works in reverse too - when you stand tall, speak slowly, and stay calm, you start to feel more confident.

Your brain takes cues from your body and behavior. Act confident, and your brain assumes you must be confident.

So while building real confidence from the inside takes time, you can jumpstart the process by copying what confident people do.

Here’s how.

🔫 Be like Bond

At the start of Casino Royale, James Bond confronts a corrupt agent who pulls a gun on him. Bond doesn't flinch.

Confident people are less reactive. When something goes wrong, they pause instead of panicking.

And that brings me to the first principle of human behaviour I wanna share: 

The more confident you are, the less reactive you are.

So if you want to feel (and appear) more confident? Simply train yourself to not emotionally react when things go south.

“The app just went down!!”, your colleague cries.

• Bad: “WHAT?! Are you kidding me?! Oh man, we’re screwed!
• Good: “Hmmm, ok. Lemme think about this.”

🧍 Your body doesn't lie

When we say people are "laid-back" or "uptight", we're describing their bodies as much as their personalities.

The mind is the body, and the body is the mind.

So, if you want a confident mind, build a confident body.

The most basic way of doing this? Work on your posture.

I say, "work on," because posture is not so much a habit, as it is a muscular imbalance. People with terrible posture almost always have tight pecs pulling their shoulders forward, and weak back muscles that can't pull their shoulders back.

If you want good posture, try a simple 10 minute exercise routine like this before & after work.

🐌 Slow down!

Think of guys like Steve Jobs, or your favourite TED talk. What do they have in common?

They speak slowly.

Why?

Because we don't take fast speech seriously. For his inaugural address, JFK slowed his speech down from his usual 150 words/minute to 100 words/minute.

Slow down! When you do, you'll relax more, exude more confidence, and be listened to more carefully - all good things.

⚖️ Say less, mean more

This is the introvert's advantage. If you only speak when you have something meaningful to say, people learn to pay attention when you do speak.

Don't fight your natural tendency to be selective with words. Use it. Quality over quantity makes every word carry more weight.

👕 Neil Patel’s wardrobe trick

So the story goes, one day marketer Neil Patel has a thought:

“Is dressing casual costing me in my career?”

So, he tests it. He splashes out on clothes, dresses to the nines, and goes about his days normally. What happens?

Surprise, surprise, more people want to do business with him. He gets more respect in random interactions. He feels better.

The lesson: A good wardrobe is probably good for your career.

Now, do NOT drop next month’s paycheck on a suit from Armani & a Rolex. My suggestion? Simply dress 25% sharper than you need to. 

When you dress smart, people’ll treat you with more respect. And when you get more respect from other people, you start feeling more confident.

Building confidence starts with understanding how you currently view yourself. The Self-Esteem Scale provides a research-backed snapshot of your self-worth.

And if you're looking for a comprehensive assessment of your professional strengths and growth areas, the Coached Impact Assessment is a great next step.